I CAN'T FRIGGIN SLEEP!!!!!!

whhhhhhhhattttt the monkey fart!! POO ginger nuggets of COW!!!
Ahhhahahahahahah.

I can't sleep. I'm so hyper. WHY WHY WHY!!!! And because i'm up.. i should be doing something productive.. but no. Instead.. i'm sitting in my fav. shirt.. with very ugly baggy old booty shorts from Victoria Secret that Allen swears i have to throw away, LOL they don't even hug my butt since i don't have one. AHAhahahahaha. how sad.

I figure I might as well give you guys another update right! Sooooo.. let's see..

Right now I'm in San Diego again.

Blah. I know right? I hop around too much. I'm gonna do my mini story/timeline update again:

-I came back to SD on... Thursday because I find out that there's something black growing in my dad's hip. They don't know what it is yet.. ::sigh:: so.. of course me being a baby.. i just started crying without even knowing the details. I cried the whole 2 hour drive home by myself. I get home and my parents look at me all crazy cause it's not even phasing them. My brother starts yelling at my parents.. telling them that they can't be telling me this stuff cause i can't handle it.

truth. it's true. I can't. I don't think I can handle.. the idea of death at all yet. I cried for months when Boba passed away. and can hardly keep myself from crying when I think of him.

-My mom tells my sister.. she had.. the same.. horrible dream.. that she had before my Uncle passed away except this time with my dad... T-T i know right.. moving on.

-Friday I end up.. doing absolutely nothing like the loner i am. LOL. except cleaning of course. I cleaned the house.. and had dinner with the family.

-Saturday my sister randomly says that we're having.. a mini celebration for Baby Daniel (my newest nephew), so my family and I head back to Orange County for that. Had an amazing time. Being around lots of family is truly the best feeling.

*So.. guess what... while my aunties were sitting down with my mom chatting away.. they start talking about.. me.. I was preparing myself for the worst right, since koreans are so judgmental. Surprisingly, my auntie starts saying, "Yeah your shi-lang (future new husband- which she's referring to Allen AHAHAHAHA- WHOLE nother story) is such a lucky man." She proceeds to look at my mom.. and continues to say " Esther can cook, do makeup, studies well, has a one of a kind personality, i mean she's good at everything she does". * TIME OUT *. So.. as soon as she said the first compliment my jaw kinda dropped.. My aunties never say anything positive to me. THey've always told me.." lose weight.. don't go to culinary school. go to harvard. why are you with that boy. You're dark. Don't even drink water at night. " so you could imagine, me hearing that come out of THEIR mouths.. complete shock. i probably drooled a little bit. ahahahhaa

-Anyway Yesterday I ended up going to shoot pool with one of my besties. Freddy bear! (The guy that made the CHAE sign last time i flew in LOL since he thought he wouldn't recognize me cause of the weightloss) AHHAHAHAH. Oober fun. drank a bit. got loose. Enjoyed myself. First time in a while.

-I just totally lost my train of thoughts. darn.

moving on...

Mm..

OH YEAH!!!!!!

CONTEST CONTEST CONTEST!! Did i say CONTEST?!!?!

So I'm holding a contest.. DETAILS will be put up SOON!

xpinkxx (aka SUPER UBER HOT SEXY PAM) gave me the idea.. of doing a COOKING competition.. whilee incorporating.. a makeup look to go with it. Ahahah Pam also said.. to bust out the hooker heels. LOL. What do you guys think? I recently got a HUGEEEEEE gift package from Sigma! Their brushes are...PHENOMENAL.. I'll be doing a 1-4th place.. with 1st place getting the FULL BRUSH SET!! It's like.. 10+ brushes. NO KIDDING. they're seriously really good too. VERY similar to MAC although some of the bristles are different.

So let me know what you guys think!

Alright I'm gonna stop.. cause my brain is slowing down.

But here's my photo journal within the last few days =) enjoy!

We OOVOO almost every night.. and laugh away.. at the stupidest things. I burp. He looks at me.. in total disgust AhAHHAHAA

I even cried. because of stress. LOL. what else is new right?!
yeah.. he laughs at himself when he THINKS he's funny. Him and his oober denarded jokes. lol

OKKKKK so My BESTY from Arizona is coming to see me with her baby and husband!! I haven't seen her in 4 years!!! Since... our fight. Do you guys remember me talking about how I apologized and it took the biggest burden away? Well I get to finally see her!!

Yeah.. We were 14 here.. and uhh.. yeah.. the hair.. the brows.. everything. LOL. muy no bueno
LOOK AT MY SHOES! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA! remember the cropped pants. oh my.
Made potato au gratin
Along with stuffed tomato & bell pepper duxelle (mushroom stuffing)
Made shrimp scampi pasta!??! YUMMMMMM.. i was eating it.. and totally forgot to take a picture.. so I took a picture after i took a bite


My uber cute nephews and i (Paul the smallest one, Brandon the med. one lol and Justin the eldest one)





I made a Recipe Journal! I bought the notebook from Borders for $3!! because it was 75% off!!! WOOO.. then I made tabs and categorized all my favorite cuisines. It's my newest obsession. I've been running to everyone asking them their best dishes ahahah


Paul's so cute. He kept jumping on my bed and laughing at himself cause he was having so much fun. He's only a year and half crazy right!


Baby Daniel and I
My older sister and Baby Daniel <3>

OKkk my newest projecT !!! I initially wanted to buy a Hello Kitty laptop sleeve (the original from Sanrio.. not bootleg) but it was going for $50!!!! so i decided to make my own.

I started off by buying this sleeve from Target for $13.00

Then for $1.00 i bought this.. moving packing material...

At target I bought the Love love love hankerchief for $1.00!! I didn't know what i was going to use it for.. then i bought the black and white fabric at the japanese store for $3.00.. I got the packing material.. sized it.. then wrapped the fabrics around it.. then SEWED it into the laptop sleeve.

Added the Apple sticker that came with my MacBook Pro.. AND WALLA!!!! DOPENESS! and it's so stuffed that i'm positive it'll protect my laptop!

I bought this uber cute pink bag at Walmart for $10.. and found a black ribbon thingy around the house.. LOL.. and i'm using it to carry my laptop

Ok for my laptop accessories (charger, headset, itouch, etc) I bought this black pouch at the Japanese store for $1.50.
With the left over fabric... i sized it to the pouch and sewed it.. so that it'd fit around the pouch..

WALA!!!!!!! Cute right?!?! Fits all my laptopy stuff!!

Okeyyyyys All done :) I love you ladies@!!

Thanks for reading up on me.. and checking up with how i'm doing.

Especially the emails. I'm telling you... it's like therapy! I'm actually going to go KARAOKE with Sarahhhhh on Wednesday who I'm meeting through my emails! <3

BTW: If you haven't found me on twitter. FIND ME!!

I'm now... addicted. ::sigh:: LOL

http://twitter.com/jinahchae

Thinking of him.

Hey loves!

It's beeen just about 2 months I think... since I last blogged. So many things have happened..

Just a quick rundown of some Random things that've happened to me. I'm not exactly in the mood to.. edit my writing.. so I'm going to write very.. freely. I'm going to tell you guys the truth.. and nothing but the truth.. so bare with my... depressing.. desperate.. joyous.. frustrated... moments..

-I got some sort of flu.. for a week and had to drop out of my Garde Mange class late September

-Passed my cooking practical with a 94 in the beginning of October

-Spent the last two weeks in New York with Allen.. we cooked dinner every night together.. watched football every Sunday & Monday...

-Allen bought me a promise ring

-Bump on boob is finally starting to go away.. almost gone

-I've secured an externship site at Union Square Cafe in Union Square (NY).

-I need to find a place to live ASAP in the city.

-I'm in California right now...staying at my sister's house in Ladera Ranch (Orange County) until Nov. 27 then I go back to NY.

-Sister gave birth to her second son Daniel Jeremiah Park

-I'm at my sister's house.. to nanny my sister's 2 year old while she nurses

-I just about went through a 10 nervous breakdown while my sister was in the hospital giving birth because my nephew was making me feel helpless.

-Nephews in his terrible 2's. Every second= another tantrum... after tantrum.. after tantrum. ::sigh:: so hard.

-I've quit smoking for just over 3 weeks now... and I'm still fighting my urges.

-I'm desperate to smoke. I should feel proud of myself.. but I don't. I'm happy it's not effecting the people i love around me.. health wise.. but.... smoking wasn't just a physical habit.. it helped me cope with stress.. it filled in my gaps throughout the day.. it was emotional.. and mental..

-my habit of smoking has been replaced with eating. -___________-; depressing isn't it?!!?!?

-I've gained weight. ::SIGH!!!!!!::

-My weight gain is making me feel insecure.

-I don't want to even.. wear nice clothes.. or do makeup because of my weight gain.

-I've received products to test out.. but haven't managed to play with them yet.

-My camera is dead and I didn't bring my charger from san diego= no videos.

-I started a food recipe journal. Bought a random mini notebook at Borders... and made tabs.. and now i'm loggging all my fav. recipes.. including recipes of my own.

-I've started a journey to really get down and dirty with learning to cook. Starting with Korean food. I want to learn more and more and more.. about the foundations of my cultures food. Food tells you history. It's an amazing thing.

-I've been cooking something new EVERY DAY. Something I've never done.

-I'm obsessed with Hello Kitty. OH EM GEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

-I got a new macbook pro. But am still learning to use it.

-I love my boyfriend more.. than.. I can explain.

-I've decided to settle with an associates degree from my culinary school rather than pursuing my bachelor's because I feel as if I'll be wasting $64,000 for an extra 2 years of general ed classes that will never do me any good with a bachelor's degree in culinary arts.

-I'm starting to plan my business for when i graduate.

-I'm going to pursue my book on asian makeup.

-I'm craving girlfriend companionship.

-why is it so difficult for me to find good girlfriends. Once again.. for the hundred thousandth time.. i ask this same question.

-i'm a mess a mess a mess a mess a mess!!!!!

-I can't get the elmo song out of my head since my nephew lovesssssssssssss the elmo song.

-I can't stop thinking about the "ktown girls" video on youtube cause it's so flipping funnny. "Like.. OH MY *OD!" ahahahahhaha

-I need contest ideas to do a contest so i can give away gift packages of brand new SIGMA brushes.

-i redesigned my mom's cafe.. painted the walls from this nasty teal color to a 3 tone color.. one wall= dark reddish.. one wall= peanut butterish.. one wall= latte ish... made it into a.. paris kind of theme.. with coffee art on the walls.. A paris adhesive picture.. i painted Hiedi's cafe in HUGEEEEE decorative writing on the main wall..

-spent a whole weekend spray painting ugly cafe chairs black.. to make it more modern..

-i've been a slave since i've been home. Haven't even unpacked my belongings yet.. and it's been 2 weeks.

-I've yet to call any of my friends here in California because i have no time to myself.

-I'm also carless so i'm stuck in Orange County.. without anyone to go out with :(

-I miss my boyfriend so much.. i feel like I'm missing half of me.

-I want to get married in the next 2 years.

-I had a nightmare with every stress of mine haunting me.. HORRIBLE DREAM. i woke up.. wanting to run away somewhere.

-i wish i were 13 again.

-Did i mention i have the best boyfriend ever? Whoever said love doesn't exist is WRONG!!!!! He completes me. Literally.

-He's flying in for Thanksgiving to meet my family. official.

-We're flying back to new york together.

-I seriously need to find a place to live in the city. feeling hopeless.

-I'm in desperate need of a way to make extra money. My min. wage externship in the city is DEFinitely not going to cover my living expenses. Stressed.

-i feel sad at the moment. i don't know why. i just do.

All done =)

Was that random or what?!?!?!

Ready to see some random pictures?!!?!

Sorry girls.. I'm not as bubbly like i usually am.. although........ this really is an insight to everything that's running through my mind.

Fritada dish i made in my America's Kitchen.. made by me.. plated by me :)

Kim-Bap that i made for my brother in law.. and my nephew

The dinner i made tonight for my sister.. my brother in law and my nephew:

Seared Filet Mignon topped with roasted onions & whole garlic with a balsamic, red wine, mushroom reduced sauce.. a side of roasted asparagus and mashed potatoes.

bare with me girls..

<3

Jinah

I'M OKAYYYYYYYy!!! =)

look at the keychain Jamie made/bought/ sent me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MYYY FAV!!!!! i loveeee it!!1 Thanks Jamie!!


Hey girls!
I know i know, someone needs to kick me in the butt for being so MIA. You know when you get really busy, then when you find some time.. you just... don't feel like doing anything.. like absolutely NOTHING. Yeah that's how it's been lately. School has beeen soooooo rough. The last 3 weeks i've been in my new class Asias.. which is ending actually today.. and it's been one heck of a rollarcoaster. The class is sooooooo hard we had 6 people drop out.. We started with 15 and now we're down to 9. Crazy right?!

ANYWAY!!!!!!!! I have some pictures for you guys.. from what i've been doing.. and i got a package from JAMIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! wooooooo!! =] can't wait to show you all!

Buttt before i get into all the picture showing..
Just gonna touch up on everything else.

Welllllll.. as far as my relationship...
things are amazing.

In plain words..
He's amazing.

You know, I've had sooooo many people tell me.. oHHhHh the flirting...lalala.. and his charm.. and his spontaneousness will go away.. He won't treat you that good later on.. bablablablabla..

and so you know.. I've been expecting it to come.. but still it hasn't..
and i really don't think it will.
He's so thoughtful.. and CHARMING. How i landed with this guy.. i have NO idea.
I don't know if i mentioned this before..
but Allen's the first guy... that still gets me nervous..
The whole nervous thing.. and the question of "do i look okay".. has never lasted for more than 2 weeks in my past relationships. I don't know what it is..
but with him..
I still blush.. I still get embarassed...

So he comes to see me every other day.. at around 9:30pm cause that's when i get out of class... it's so funny.. I'll be walking down the stairs towards my dorm.. in my chef's whites.. my hair funky... clothes stained... and he'll be waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs..

He smiles.. and always kisses me on the forehead.. .
then he'll make a funny face... cause he can taste the grease AHAHAHAHAHA.
Then he says.. my cha sio bao... then he preceeds to say... and literally.. he says this EVERY DAY... if not in person.. then over the phone..
"Did i ever tell you about the first time i met you... how beautiful you were"... but the twist is.. it changes a tad bit everytime..
like now he says.. "Did i ever tell you about the first time i saw you... my jaw hit the floor so hard that i had to get braces to fix my teeth" AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
LOL.
so corny right.
it's so funny cause he says it to me... when i'm at my grungiest.
Okok so i gotta tell you guys..
Last night he came over.. and we were eating dinner on the floor.. left overs from my class right. (Indian food that i made!!)
So we're eating.. and watching tv...
and i guess i drank too much diet coke.. so i do this GINOOOOOOOOOOORMOUS burp.. soooooooo loud... i even surprised myself.. and of course.. i start busting out laughing.. ahhhhhhhhhhahahaha
his face..
is just...
shock.
LOLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL like literally.
SHOCK. AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
so then he's trying to think of what to say..
but he's so disgusted he just keeps staring at my like.. WTF.
LOL
so then i'm like laughing so hard that im crying..
then he starts to say..
"Babe.. seriously!? You HAVEEEEEEEEEEEE to do that while we're eating dinner?!!?!" blablabla.
Anyway..
like... 5 minutes later..
we're sitting ON THE FLOOR right..
he has one leg up..folded inwards towards him... and the other down...
i'm eating.. he's eating..
and all of a sudden..
he rips.. the BIGGEST NASTIEST FART EVEr!!!! Almost sounded like poo came out. -__________-;
so he looks at me in shock again.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
and I'm dying...
then he goes from loooking shocked... to laughing.
Then i'm like yelling at him.. and he's like WHAT?!?!?! WHAT'D I DO!??!
LOLLLLLL.

Seriously we have the funniest moments.

Anyway.. I can't say how lucky i am..
he asks me in the car everyyyyyday... if i'm okay.. if i need anything..
he won't let me put anything on the floor in the front seat cause he thinks it'll make me uncomfortable.. EVEN MY BAG.

Ok a couple things before I start the pictures..
I'll try to make a video soon i promise!
We're going on a weekend trip to Syracuse for the NY fair.. then to Niagara falls!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEe!!!!!!!! will take lots of pictures =]




So here's pictures from the city a few weeks ago =). It was me, tiff, allen & his brother =)

f

LOST IN VERMONT

ahahaha. Here's some pictures of Allen & I going to my classmates lodge in Vermont for the weekend. We ended up having a cooking competition where I got to judge and just eattttt yum yum =). Oh the lives of culinary students. ahhahaa. probably the only time i'll eevvverr have guys cook for me right?

COLD SPRING, NY
an itty bitty cute town near my school that Allen took me to =)

meet ALEX. LOL. We made him at the build a bear... looks just like allen right?! :D

K so this was hilarious.. cause Allen was pulling out money from the atm.. well.. i pulled a DDONG JJIP on him (ddong jjip... is like.... a poke in the butt.. a joke that us koreans do.. usually only when we're children.. LOL but yeah).. so he got paranoid and slid alll the way to the door so he wouldn't lift his butt ahahahhahahha









































OK i gotta run cause i have class... but i still have MORE PICTURES! i"ll post everything jamie got me and some VIDEOS of some of the action the last few weeks!! talk to you ladies soon!!!!!

MISSSSSSS You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Picture Journal RANDOMNESS!

HIIIIIIIIIIIIII lovely lovely lovely loves!!

Long time nooo seeeeee!! <3>
I finally feel as if i'm home. 3 weeks is definitely too long... away from the china man! Ahahaha. Really... i'm so content being back in New York.. I mentioned before how i felt like time just wasn't passing in California.. Here i feel like the world is turning with meeeee enjoying eveeryyy minute of it! But i have to admit i miss the fam bam.
But anyway!

I just started a new class.. Cuisines of Americas.. It's a kitchen class of course.. and we're cookin up alll sorts of cuisines from regions all over the US.. first we were cookin up some.. thanksgiving goober food LOL. Def. not my fav. Old school turkey... stuffing.. really heavy duty braises.. johnny cakes.. etc.. now we're moving onto Cajun food! WOOO yum.. Mmmm... you guys will see some pictures laterrrr :)

I guess i'll just go with the random pictures now. ahaha..
This morning i woke up... and got ready in some business casual clothes to go take a writing exam. POO ON WRITING! I hate writing essays. I love freestyle writing (as you all can see) but... when it comes to me.. writing an official BS paper on BS more BS and more BS it's just... disappointing to read.. and POOPY. lol. whatever.. but on the way out (i was the last one -__- as always) i stopped by the school's oh so popular Apple Pie Bakery.. and picked up an Iced Latte.. some chocolate chip cookies for the China man <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MEhwUY_-rOk/Snb1FqUULOI/AAAAAAAAAmc/_wFGxpZRDQI/s1600-h/DSC02958.JPG">
Coookies=good... burrito... THAT IS NOT A BREAKFAST BURRITO!! Lol. STRIKE for my school.. a breakfast burrito has got to be not so pretty.. come on now... all the uber guber gooshy fatty bacon and sausage and hashbrown and cheeseee and salsa.. etc... this one only has eggs and chorizo =( but it doesn't taste bad..

but yeah.. okok i'm moving on.

You guys see the sign in the back? Remember Freddy made that for me from the airport?! LOL..

I am officially an Iced Latte addict.. had it 4 of the 7 days last week. oH boy. DENG YOU STARRBUCKS!




I got this sweatshirt (i know i know it's summer.. yet i'm wearing it.. it's actually thin though anddddddddd it's freezing in my room).. at H&M!!!!! The BEST $30 i've ever spent! SOOOOOo comfortable.. definitely my newest obsession.. I refuse to travel anywhere without it! It's cute isn't it!? Wait until you girls try the thing on!! It's like.. heaven on your skin! I mean i have a weird thing with material and feel... this thing.. oooooooo... Allen saw me wear it and he loves it too :)





We had sushi for lunch the other day.. yeah yeah not so interesting lol but it was delish :)

Wee went to a pool party... and we were drinking a bit... both Allen and I have the asian glow thing going on... and since it was hot + allergic reaction to alcohol... i was able to imprint my hand on Allen's back AHAHAHAHAH! He didn't believe me until i did it!


K so here's how i travel with my makeup.. I still haven't unpacked it from cali... but i wanted to show you girls cause i love it..
This makeup brush pouch thingy is from NYX... <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MEhwUY_-rOk/Snb04BjUykI/AAAAAAAAAl8/obn1RuF196s/s1600-h/DSC02964.JPG">
Full picture of the hello kitty sweat shirt :) $30 H & M!
$4.00 shirt at Forever! YESSSSSSSSS! I'm such a cheap fart.. I go straight to sale racks..

$5.00 shirt at Forever 21!! WOooooooooo.. The pattern is different. I would've never bought something like this typically.. but it was so cheap i tried it on.. and it looks good! Very different :)
$24.95 shirt from H & M.. Mmm.. doesn't look so appealing on the hanger.. but when you wear it, it's very flattering.. The upper portion reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllly makes your boobs look good. LOL. seriously.. and it slims down your waist. That's always nice :)
My bed.... random right?

I bought a new carpet from target and put it only on my 1/3 of the room. Feels nice to walk around barefoot again :) oh i miss my freedom.

Remember how i mentioned i ordered a bunch of makeup books online? Mannnnn i brought this back with my luggage from Cali.. weighed almost 40 pounds on its own!!!! -_- I haven't looked through allllllllll of them in detail yet.. but so far.... i'm a bit disappointed... doesn't really help with asians. I still think practice is #1.. They stereotype us toooo much.. Even us asians have a billion different eye shapes.. you can't just categorize us as... one MONOLID. -_- or they call us hooded in some books -_-
K this my loves.. is the BEST conditioner ever !!! You have to pick it up at a beauty shop.. and it's a bit expensive.. but TRUST ME! It feels like.... those tubes of conditioner from hair dye EVERYDAY... PLUSSSSss it smells soooooo gooooood! Makes your hair SUPER SUPER soft.. try it out! I finally found it after 5 years of searching for it at random beauty supply shops.
Don't you love how roommates just leave their bras hanging around everywhere? Her BF is here too.. but i guess.. no one minds LOL. I should run around the room with it on my head :D
So when i went to Mexico with my dad... we stopped by the pharmacy and i picked up this bottle of facial lotion... It's suppose to help dark spots where you have to much melanin? Kinda like to brighten your face? I've been using it everyday.. and i can't quiet tell if it's working butttt one thing for SURE.. it feels soooooooooo goood on your face... smooth.. NON oily... feels like..... can't even explain... It's made in france.. and in Mexico i bought it for... $20 or something like that? Don't know how much it would be in the states though.. gotta look it up!
Other obsession: I love using these prestige mineral bronzers/highlighters for eyeshadow... and a highlighter... and a bronzer. They're so multiuseful!!!

i've been using it as a highlight for my brow cause it has a gold tint! It's really really really really nice!

my desk
my frig...


Of all the lotion i've ever tried.. my fav. is still baby lotion. It really is gentle to my skin... and my body skin i gotta tell you.. is SUPERRRRRRRR sensitive.. LIKE REALLY sensitive..
My fav. perfume.. it's a sample one... buttttttt i love ittt i'm def. gonna go buy a bottle.

KKKKKKKK lastly.. here's pictures of my class.. The food you see.. is our fAMILY meals.. after we prep our actual dishes.. to serve... we cook up alllllll the left overs for ourselves.. bufffet style... and we eat dinner together :) UBER amounts of food.. oh jeez.. everynight=food coma LOL. Ehhh actually alot of us lose our appetiteeee cause we're exhausted.. but yeah...







MMy bestie here at school John <3 SINGLE I TELL YOU!! I need to find him a girl :P Anyway.. thats it for the pictures.. :) random right :)

Before i goooo gguesss what happened =( .. I was taking a shower.. and i found a lump on my boob. =(. I'm a bit scared.. cause it's not going away.... Allen's taking me to see a doctor this week... SCARED!!!!!!!! I'm hoping it's nothing serious.... wish me luck :( hopefully i don't have to get any shots.. for.. whatever reason... Otherwise China man's gonna have to deal with my crybaby side =_=; ahaha
happy thoughts..
happy thoughts right?

as farr as weight.. oh lordy.. still haven't weighed myself LOL. too scared.

Ok before i go...
a few funny moments..
1.) my roommate and her boyfriend are both snoring the noses away :) they sound like a symphony. AHAHAHa. Thank goodness i'm awake.. i probably would've been really really frustrated otherwise..

2.) Allen had to make an emergency run for me to the store... to by some... pads for me. LOLLLLLLLLLLLl dun dun dun... next phase of our relationship right!??!
And of course.. he buys the wrong ones.. go figure LOL.. GG though.. he tried.. he bought extra fatty overnight ones. LOL!! gosh dengit. i only usually use the ultra thin regulars with wings...

3.) -_- he calls me.. pork bun in cantonese..
cha tsu bao? i don't know how to spell it.
AI YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i guess..... it's better than krusty pants right!? LOL.
which by the way.. he went through my laundry the other day... to see if i had krusty. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talk about humiliation.. i passed. LOL!

k byeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3

Reality Check

Hey loves,
So my vacations coming to an end.. "vacation".
Sadly to say, I didn't do much. LOL. I've been working day in and day out helping my parents out at their cafe.. Oh the joys of working with your entire family. LOL I missed them sooooooooooo much in New York.. and lol it's just funny.. how you miss someone so much yet even though you've missed them that much.. enough time spent can make your head spin. AHHHAHAHAHa..
But anyway.. yeah.. i'm ready to go back. Working at a slowwwwwww paced cafe... where all i do is.. cook and be bored.. well.. that hasn't done me any good. I can feeeeeel the blubber coming back. LOL!

My pants are getting tight again... my new pants that is.. DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!11 Truthfully it's disappointing.. and the worst thing.. I CRAVE MORE JUNK FOOD. MAn, I'm telling you... junk food is the DEVIL! It's frigging addicting... I mean seriously.. i CAN EAT SO MUCH! It's scary.. Here at home.. I can eat and eat and eat and eat..

LOL.. I told Allen (the bf).. well no.. I've been TELLING the bf for the past week that he'd better be ready to welcome home an OOMPA LOOMPA for a gf. LOL.
Just to make it sound worst.. i told him i gained 25 pounds. AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHa. that makes me feel somewhat better.
In reality i think i gained back 5 pounds. DUN DUN DUN. sad sad sad.. all that hard work.
But i guess i expected it you know? All my family does is ask me what i want to eat..
and really i've been eating EVERYTHING
I get what i ask for right?!

On another note.. I hope you ladies aren't going downhill like me. lol give me some inspiration!!
I'm starting to worry that when i get back to NY i won't have the self discipline to start eating healthy again. It's really scary how eating a lil bit of junk food can become into an addiction.
IT IS AN ADDICTION!!

realize it.
gotta change it.

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
I've been going to MEXICO for the past 3 days... because i have no insurance.. so i've been getting my teeth done.

Ready to hear the damage?!?!
Oh how embarassing AHAHAHA.
I had 4 cavities.. and i got 2 root canals!! RIGht?! I deserve it. I knew it was coming..
The dentist= my ultimate fear since i was 5.
Shots= my death.
I cried.
and
cried.
LOL.
to compensate for my pain.. my daddy and i had tacos.. and more tacos..
LOL!

AHAHAHAHHAHAH.
Love how everything I've done has to do with food.
oh boy..

besides my teeth let's get on to some real talk...
San Diego is now officially just.. my family's home.
I've been kinda down... cause none of the friends that i thought were my friends... even called me?
It's sad cause i hate burning bridges..
it's just... yeah.
There's one person in particular i'm pretty bummed about.
I called and called and called..
no answer.. no call back.
so much for girlfriends LOL!
It's all good right!?

I mean..
I really do want to maintain my girlfriends.. cause.. i feel like it's so important.
I don't necessarily have many.. because i find it rare for someone to be real with me.. but the few that i have... i cherish..
But why should i value them so much if they don't value me equally?
The good thing... i really have alot of good guyfriends? LOL.
I mean love them dearly!!
They're such goof balls.. and so down.. and so real.
I love it.
No bullshit.
If you call them and ask them let's do something.
They're down.
No excuses.. no erss.... no akwardness..
We'll do jack crap.. and it'll still be chill =]
One of my besties Fredddy and I went to guitar center the other day so he can buy a ukalale? is that how you spell it?
Then we went to Yogurt world and jammed outside the rest of the night
chill right?!
Or my friend Hai and I just talked and caught up outside of Starbucks... and it's always nice drinking coffee on a good summer night!

On to randomness.
I'm scared to get on camera LOL
I'm afraid to see my weight gain.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
but i am ecstatic to see Allen.
Beyond ecstatic.
He... is still and will continue to be amazing.
One in a million i tell you :)

Anyway..
I guess i'll talk to you ladies later?! I'm gonna look for my camera battery cause maybe.. just maybe... i'll make video tonight.
On what?! I have no idea!

<3

RE: EMAIL RESPONSES

Hey loves!
So here is the first series of email responses in regards to MANY MANY topics.
I'll be leaving names anonymous so that nobody feels put on the spot. But I really do feel as if all of these topics can benefit us. Many of us have felt or feel the same way! I don't know if i'll be of any help to you guys.. cause you know I'm still on the same boat. I'm still working on my self esteem and my confidence. There are days where I still feel like I'm 200lbs.. and there are days where I don't believe that my own videos are me even though they are. But if there's anyway I can help a sister out even by humiliating myself, I sure will! Let me know what you guys think or put some input to help each other out too! We're not alone you know =) We gotta stick up for each other!

Email #1:

I for the past month, I've been doing really good with losing weight but this month I have fallen down the hill. I lose my momentum and I dunno.

I just cry evrynight because I always think I will always be fat and no one will like me. Im only 15 years old. For my age I am over-weight and I hate it!

Could you please help me??

What do you do to distract yourself from eating?

Dear _____,
Ahh... =( This pains me to know that you're hurting so much. You're so young and still have so much to experience.

I'm going to be very down to the point and I hope I'm not being too blunt.
1.) You need to love yourself.
Understand that you will NOT always be fat and that people not only like you but love you, like your family. Let me tell you a secret, it's the people that love you for who you are that count so don't look elsewhere. If you're thinking about the boys at school or the pretty girls that get all the attention that "don't like you" forget it. They're not the ones that will break their backs to love you for who you are. They're in their own little world, don't waste your time trying to have them like you. Trust me, after highschool they won't even exist. It's taken me a long time to realize that it's the small people, the people that I never expected to become my best friends. If you're thinking about relationships, that no guy will like you... I have one thing to say..

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. How can a guy love you when you don't even love yourself. WHen you can't respect yourself, your body, it shows. The brutal truth is, low self esteem is a turn off. People are unattracted to it. As harsh as that sounds it's the truth in every aspect in life. We're naturally attracted to people with positive attitudes and confidence. I promise you, once you start to love yourself and accept who you are as a person, others will follow. The beautiful thing about this, once you begin to love yourself.. not only will people follow you but you'll respect yourself so much that you won't want to disappoint yourself.. and that is when you start to build self discipline. Once you start learning self discipline you'll start to lose weight. Losing weight is honestly one of the hardest tasks you can ever do. It takes alot of persistance, determination and hard work. It doesn't happen over night and it definitely doesn't happen over a month.

::sigh::

I really feel as though I shouldn't be encouraging weight loss to many of you younger girls.. but then again I remember how that felt.. so I hope you guys are doing it the right way. Understand that you're still young... you have ALOT of time to work on your weight.. take it nice and slow! Don't rush because i guarantee you'll gain it back. Eat properly, don't starve!!!!! Exercise in MODERATION don't exhaust yourself.

With all that said.. as far as what I do to distract myself from eating.. I really honestly don't stop myself from eating. I just eat properly rather than restricting myself when i'm hungry. When you're dieting you need to be on a healthy diet. You can't just count calories and say, oh hey i'll have a burger and that's it for the rest of the day. It's much healthier and better for you to eat in moderation a healthy balanced diet that's low in calories throughout the day.

For example..
I'll eat a 300 cal. breakfast (cereal, milk & apple)
a 300-400 cal. lunch (salad with every type of vegggie you can think of piled HIGH with just balsamic vinegar.. with some sort of protein.. like.. a 3-4 oz. piece of chicken breast)
then for dinner i'll have a 300-500 cal dinner.. maybe a turkey sandwich again with TONS of veggies on it with nonfat mayo, dijon mustard.. and a string cheese

in between or after.. if i get hungry.. I'll eat another apple.
With all that in mind.. drink TONS of water.. Water helps you digest.. helps you get all that crap out of your system and curves your hunger!

If you're eating healthy you really don't have to worry about.. trying to stop yourself from eating..
and I'll tell you... once you start dieting.. by eating healthy.. give it like a week.. your junk food cravings will stop.

JUNK FOOD IS THE DEVIL! lOL!!
Really.. it's addictive... It makes you lazy.. it's fatty.. because of all the crap thats in the food it makes you want more.. and more.. and more..

If you eat healthy, you won't crave the junk food.. you won't mind eating lots of veggies... food will taste ALOT more amazing! Your taste buds become ALOT more sensitive.. I mean jeez luiz! After i started dieting.. and it was routine.. i could eat a whole plate of veggies without dressing and it still tasted good!

If worst comes to worst.. and you really want to distract yourself from eating (which i don't really recommend).. try keeping yourself busy. I tend to forget that I'm hungry when I'm keeping my mind distracted.. Like.. when i make videos for example.. I'll work on a project for 4-5 hours and I completely forget to eat.. cause i'm so distracted... or.. I'll read a book or.. go out something.. of that sort and it'll keep my mind off of food.

Keep moving.. MOVING IS KEY. When you have free time... it becomes lazy time! LOl and it's the truth.... lazy time brings out hunger... HUNGER that's UNNECESSARy. (this is exactly what's happening to me here on my vacation by the way)

I hope you find this helpful..
I really want you to know though.. that as you get older.. and accept yourself.. things will change for you too.. There are amazing people out there waiting to get to know you.. and become apart of your life.. It's just the first step.. all it takes is for you to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are.. as a person.. take things slow..



Okey dokes. Holy crap. It's taken me 2 hours to write this. LOL.
I hope this helps girls..
I really do..
It really pulls a string in my gut knowing that many of you are experiencing these feelings that i too once experienced. But i want you to know things will get better..

With that said.. I'll talk to you all very soon!!

With Love,
Jinah

they call it love

HIIIIIIIIII loveeees!!!
How're you all?!!? Ohhhhhhh boy oh boy.. where to start.

Is this.. I have the most amazing boyfriend thing getting old yet?! Let me know if it is.. because once again.. I must say it.

I have the bestestestestestest most amazing boyfriend in the world.

For me to be able to say something like that.. wow. Honestly.

::Sigh:: Sooo unreal. even now. He sent flowers to my house today... just to let me know that he misses me.. and "L"'s me. LOL. melting me away i tell you!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhh Oh OHHHHHHHH. How happy he makes me!

I think about him throughout the day... Does that sound CHEESY or what?! IT even sounds stalkerish. LOL. I should stop. Ok maybe not. LOL
but i mean... while i'm working at my parents cafe.. and i'm sippin on some coffee during break.. i'll sit down.. and just.. start letting my mind ponder about what he's doing.. orrrrr what kind of trouble he's causing *wink :).
Oh how i can't wait to be back home in NY to see him. I'm starting to think of NY as a new home.. i actually really do miss it alot. I miss the fast paced life.. Cali is starting to get a tad bit too chill for me. I mean it's great seeing my family and all.. but I feel like time passes by sooooooooooo slow here.. and the days never end. NOWWWWWWWW if Allen was here that'd be a diff story. LOL i'd probably never want my days to end.. but jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.. one day feels like one week. In NY it feels like there's just not enough time in a day to do ANYTHING?! Do i make sense? =T

Thinking over the last few months.. I really have come to appreciate my NY life. I absolutely love the east coast.. and i feel like my heart is definitely there. Before i left San Diego i felt so...... down... and lazy... unproductive.. and just... blah. Literally.. i use to sit on my ass... and just eat eat eat and watch grey's anatomy.. and eat... and do... absolutely nothing.

sad thought.

complete waste of time.

I'm so glad that part of my life is over.. cause things are just getting better with hard work and persistence. I'm telling you... DOOOOOOO THE WALK girls.

Don't think... I wish i wish i wish.. don't give yourself the chance to think that way.
Just walk it out! and as my guyfriend Jerry says.. don't say i hope... say I will. Be confident.. Love yourself.. force yourself.. MOVE! =] *in a positive way. :D

Oh man i'm going off in so many tangents. I keep wanting to stay on topic but i keep bouncing around.
ANYWAY. So back to the boyfriend...

You guys are going to DIE laughing.
get ready for this.
He's probably gonna kill me.
Or better yet.. I should just start hiding cause here comes the most embarassing thing ever.
But i'm telling you guys just so that you guys can see what an amazing guy Allen is and so you can all have a good laugh. I love you guys this much! LOL

STORY: THIS IS LOVE
(let's back track)
So... LOL. The night before i left for Cali.. I had some laundry to do..well.. I couldn't do it at school cause allllll the washing machines and dryers were full.. so then I started complaining to Allen about it..and he goes... "Babe why don't I just do it for you"... so I look at him, and i'm like, "uh.. NO!!" with a cock eye o_O. So then he's like.. "I'll do it for you, it's nothing"... -________________-.. Ok so i'm thinking... yeah okay.. i'll let him do it for me i guess... but before I let him take the laundry with him... I took out all my undergarments.. (or so i thought LOL).

*AHEM.
LOLLLLLL!!

Anyway..
I get a call from him a few days after coming here to SD.. and he goes.. "so uh... what is up with your socks!!" LOL. and i say... "why what's wrong with them?!" and he goes.. "WHAT's wrong with them!? They're like a 100,000 miles overdo!" LOL.

So while he's saying this.. i'm thinkin.. ohh.. whewwwwww not that bad..
but thennnn he goes..
"and what is up with your underwear!" LOL!
doomsday.
So before you ladies think up what he's thinkin.
Let me explain.
AhEM! LOL.
STOP THINKING FOR A SEC!!!!
:D
Ever since my diet & exercise.. and all that mumbo jumbo.. i've been having irregular cycles.. right.. like i missed my period by 3 weeks.. then i started spotting like every other week..

so.. yeah..
the one underwear... that i ended up spotting on... ends up landing in the one load that Allen washes.
And you guys know what happens when blood dries up1?!?
LOL.
-_-...
so you can imagine what Allen thought..
*crap*.
LIKE WTF! LOL. really?!!? WOw.
SO then he starts making fun of me..
and right.. he thinks it's crap..
and all in the meanwhile.. i'm dying on the phone laughing and crying and embarassed and i'm trying to explain but he just keeps calling me KRUSTY PANTS!
-__-;
LOL so then i'm dying on the phone and laughing and dying and laughing..
and he just keeps making fun of me.

Back to the point of the story.
He still loves me.
whether he believes it's blood or krusty.
LOL.
and that my ladies is what you call an amazing boyfriend.

AHAHAHAHa.
minus the whole.. he's really not letting it go for a while.

LOL!!!!!
end story.

So yeah... he loves me that much.. and that's only the beginning of it.
Everyday that i get to talk to him... i feel is so unreal. I mean, how much more can a girl ask for?

He said he loves my body.

Do you guys know how much that means to me? I mean.. not in a sexual way.. but he loves my body.
My body... that has all the blubber.. and pimples (i've been breaking out like mad donkey)... my messed up arms with all the nasty bumps.. my dark skin that isn't even .. even toned... my scar'd stomach.. my scar'd legs.. my cutt up fingers... and scar'd hands..

he loves it all.

How much more can i ask for in a guy.. when he can look me straight in the eyes.. and tell me that i'm that much more beautiful. that he loves me that much... that he's the luckiest guy on earth to have me.

unreal.

alrighty.. but enough with that :]

::Sigh::
so.. as far as weight..
DUN DUN DUN DUN!! I gained 4 pounds.
LOL. I'm at 152. YEs yes. yes. yes. But even at my 4 pound+ I'm content.. I'm enjoying my vaca.. and honestly it's a mood burn when you go out with your friends.. and you say.. ohh sorry i can't eat that... HELLOOOOOOO i'm on vacation!! I will def. work it out as soon as i get back to NY.
NO doubt :)

AnywhOOOOOOOOOOOOo here are a few pictures over the week!!

CSGGGGGGGGGGG BABY!!!!!!! WOOo.. doesn't get better than all you can eat korean BBQ in Orange Country + all you can eat thrifty ice cream.
My cutie nephew.. i love him!!
POOOOOOONJABI TANDOOR in San diego!! BESTTTTTTTT indian food EVER!
Bombbbbbbb garlic naannn!
oKey dokes..
I love you all..
i cannot stress that enough.
The emails i've been getting lately are mind boggling.
Starting next blog post I'm going to start replying to some of your emails on my blog... not to embarass you.. cause i won't put up your names.. it'll be anonymous.... but because ALOT of the emails i've been getting are in regards to the same thing.. so i'm hoping that maybe there are more of you that can benefit to me posting it up publicly one at a time :)

keep your chins up ladies!
Look beautiful... feel amazing.. be PHENOMENAL!
don't settle for anyless.
<3