a day in the life of Jinah Chae <3

finding the balance..

2011-11-06T20:20:00.000-08:00

Hey loves,
First I want to start off by saying thanks for all the advise and encouraging words :]. They truly are helpful and the fact that there's people listening (or reading) my random rants make me feel a whole lot better.

Ready for part 2?
Bare with me girls..
Since my last post, things have gotten worst. I'm definitely in pursuit of trying to change some things in my life. I was hoping that things would get better.... unfortunately this week ended up a complete ship wreck.

To be honest, I feel torn and broken. Why is it that I can't find peace? This week there was someone key in my life that said some really disgustingly hurtful words.. words that will never be forgotten. The situation at that moment has played in my head over and over and over and over... and now I can neither face or speak to the person...
The whole situation was just out of control. If you guys would've been there.. you'd probably have crapped your pants... lol..

Butttt worrry not!!! BEcauseeeee I'm okay now :]. Through the midst of all the crap I've been going through I am beginning to find some comfort in my faith..

Here's a question, is it odd to you girls that I'm so open with my life? Because it's not to me. There are people that I know that think I'm crazy for sharing so much about me but I feel that if I can help anyone learn from my experiences and save them the situations and circumstances that I went through.. why the heck not?

Anyway, the bf left for NY on Friday. He'll be there for 9 days.. which I thought wouldn't be a big deal because it isn't... BUTTTTTT drum role.. wth... I'm like.. lifeless without him here?

One word= Pathetic.

Seriously, yesterday I went to the gym... then came home, cleaned my room, did my laundry... and uh.. yeah.. did nothing else for the rest of the day ( except watch a bajillion episodes of... vampire diaries, grey's anatomy, private practice and some random alien show.. )

What's worst? My best friend just left to Europe for 2 weeks.
Great. SUPERB. AWEeesomee >.<

lol. ::sigh::

This pathetic version of Jinah needs to stop!!!!!!
Here's what it alllllll comes down tooooooo!

I need to..
-get out more
-get a life
-rediscover my passions
-get healthier
-love myself more
-acknowledge that his love is the only love that really matters
-respect myself
-gain more confidence
-stop doubting myself
-live life
-stop worrying about everyone around me
-stop stressing
-quit smoking
-etc.

On a good note there is one thing that is happening to me :]
I'm losing weight..

2 1/2 weeks= -10 lbs.

Interestingly I'm trying... and not trying..
I didn't start a few weeks ago thinking i'm going on a diet yadadada..
I just.. randomly... started going to the gym a few days a week with the bf..
then I naturally started eating a little lighter than normal..
and rather than cutting out all the foods I like.. I'm just.. eating half the amount that I normally eat WITHOUT making such a big deal out of it.
I'm not counting calories, or doing weight watchers points...
but I'm trying to avoid situations where I do mindless eating..

I don't know if it's the stress of everything that's happening.. or if I've just reached an epiphany.. but the weight is kind of shedding a lot easier than my previously forced attempts.

Anyway, I'm going to pursue this.. thing I'm doing lol.. not so much of a diet..
I'm ok with going to the gym only 3 times a week as long as I go at all..
and I'm ok with eating whatever as long as I don't obsessively devour it... lol. <--weirdo I know

Ok that's it for today..
Signing out,
-Jinah

Need a vaction. BAD!

2011-10-26T14:31:00.001-07:00

Somebodyyyyyyyyyyyyy kickkkkkkkkk meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

I need a vacation.
Bad.
REALLY REALLY BAD.
I just want to runnnnnn awayyyyyyyyyyy. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!

The bills just won't stop coming in..
I can't focusssss on anything!

Why does it feel like.. I'm just working... my life away.

How do all of you girls balance a full social, love, work life?!

I get up.. I work... I come home.. I go to the gym... I go to sleep..
and same thing allllllllllll over again!

I need change.. but I don't know how and what part of everything I do I need to change?
Does any of this make sense?

Life is soooooooo repetitive and draining!
Someone give me some inspiratttttttttion :(

HellOOO!

2011-07-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone? :)
I'm gonna avoid the whole yeah haven't updated.
I'm sure you girls are so use to it.. I don't even know if anyone still reads my blogs? LOL!

But just to get in the groove of blogging again.. I'm just gonna do a short post since I have a few minutes to spare at work.

So...
hmm...
quick rundown.
-Allen turned 30 a week ago!
-It was our 2 year anniversary 2 weeks ago.
-I officially am in debt forever now that my 450968540986456 students loans have kicked in.
-I've been stressing and thinking about what my plans are for the next few years.
-Thinking of going to Italy for a year? (It was a 50/50 before.. but my finances are making it less realistic)
-Work. work. work.
-My patience for random people is at a negative.
-I can't stand idiots.
-Work is stressful.
-I recently joined a meetup group for asian ladies in SD.
-I recently bought an ukulele.
-I love Michael Bubble.
-I've gained a few pounds.lol. so much for summer.
-I'm in love with my church in San Diego. (It is beyond amazing.)
-I'm aching to shop but I'm trying to focus on saving and paying off my debt. LOL.
-I caught some guy trying to steal at my store (ridiculous cause the store is inside of a courthouse where there are 3495830495 sheriffs)
-Some lady tried to pull off that she was homeless, divorced, broke, ex military, disabled to get free food... complete bull. (I ended up paying for her food out of my pocket cause she wouldn't stop... whining.. and frankly I felt bad.. stupid me.. the next day.. she came in fully made up.. pretending to be someone else. -_- and managed to by all this junk food.

Ok that's it for now..
I think I might be posting a vlog tonight on youtube?
Sorry for the short rundown!! Butttttttttt I'm going to tryyyyy to atleast write something!

Miss you all.
-Jinah :)

Day 9

2011-01-28T07:51:00.000-08:00

Hey girls!
Today is day 9... and I'm feeling pretty good I think. I'm still hurting from Wednesday... I can barely squat to sit cause my legs hurt so much. AnywhoOOoO~

If you missed out on my recent update video.. I weighed in on Wednesday.
Last week I was 176..
this week I weighed in at:

It's crazy right?! Who would've thought... 6.6 pounds!!!!! Typically that sort of weight loss is something you see on Biggest Loser, not at home!

This just proves that with hard work and dedication it's VERY POSSIBLE to lose weight...

I do have to say though, that I am a bit worried that some of the younger girls watching me might be doing what I'm doing except maybe.. not eating much at all... or something like that..

I just want you guys to know that I do NOT eat any LESS than 1200 calories a day. I hope that for those of you that are on this journey with me.. you're doing it the right way :) It's possible!! I promise!! You just have to be true to yourself and work hard! No excuses!!! I would hate knowing that my weight loss would make someone... cut corners... does that make sense?

I was talking to my mom yesterday... and how she really needs to lose weight.. not to get skinny but because she's borderline diabetic. My mom's problem is not so much exercising but more so her eating habits. Statistics wise, she's roughly 5'2 and about 180.. it worries me ALOT. So... oddly at her weight.. you would think it's because she's eating all sorts of junk and all day at that right? Wrong. She only eats once a day because she's so busy.. literally. So I'm pretty sure the reason why she's overweight is because she only eats once a day.

Ok to breakdown this is how it works.. by eating once a day.. your body knowwwwwsss that you're not going to feed it anything.. so it stores everything you eat straight into your storage fat.. so that it can survive. Your metabolism slowsssss downnnnnn almost like when you sleep... and it remains that way until you feed it. Now.. I'm almost positive that if my mom eat 3-5 times a day... and even 1600-1800 calories she would start losing weight. Your metabolism kicks in when you keep feeding it..... the more often you feed it.. the faster your body metabolizes the food.. which is whyyy skinnny people who eat ALOTTTTT don't gain weight! Their metabolism is soooo high that it just processes all the food instantly.. (which is why it comes out of their butt so fast too LOL).

I think this is also the reason I got the numbers I did this week..

Last year when I lost weight... I did cardio MUCH longer at the gym... and I ate less... anddddd I didn't eat as frequent during the day... so I lost about... 3 pounds a week.. roughly.. but this time.. I'm doing lessss cardio.. and eating more.. and I'm losing more!

okkkkkk enough with the jibber..... lol. sorry >.<

So... I haven't posted any pictures in a while.. so I'm going to show you guys a few random from the last few months.. enjoy :)

me in my service uniform..

Caterina.. the italian restaurant at my school (served here for 3 weeks)

the kitchen i worked in for 3 weeks in this restaurant

right before service.. my professor made us have a spoon of this nasty italian spirit.. to ward off any bad spirits LOL.. italian tradition?

my favorite group at school....

In front of the restaurant I did my externship at for 6 months.. last year :)

The night before graduation... we.. alll.. goottt... hammmereeeeed!!!!!!

graduation.. guess who's next to the president of the school? :)

I'll post again tomorrow.. maybe with more pictures? :)

Btw.. allen is coming home today from NY... and i'm stoked... i miss him... way too much. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

81 days to go.....

The end of day 5....

2011-01-23T22:12:00.000-08:00

Hey girls,
I know a lot of you have started your own journey's and I'd loveeeeee to hear how it's going!
As for myself, today is the end of day 5.... and I've got to say that the last few days haven't gotten any easier since the end of day 1. My workouts are still difficult... I'm motivated.. but I feel like at times my motivation just.. disappears within seconds. As far as dieting, well.... let's just say I feel deprived. lol. I'm a girl that likes to sit down and enjoy a steak Chipotle burrito with chips & guac... yes... I can eat the WHOLE thing.. but no.. here I am trying to pace my 1 cup of cheerios and 1 cup of nonfat milk.. with my 1 serving of strawberry yogurt while mentally telling myself that my body doesn't need anything more. LOL. Need I say more?

Anyway even though I'm just... whining.. things are still happening and I'm not giving up. I know I've lost weight but I don't know how much.. Weigh in is Wednesday.. which I'm really actually nervous about. I'm working hard..really hard... and so I'm hoping it shows on the scale..

Just to catch up.. here's what I've been eating, this is just a random compilation over the last 3 days.
Notes: Diet= 1200-1400 calories/ day, minimal salt, minimal sugar, minimal fat.

Breakfast- *goal is 300 cal. 7am-8am
-1 cup cereal, 1 cup non fat milk, & 1 yogurt (300 cal)
-1 slice whole wheat toast, 2 egg white scramble with mushrooms & onions, yogurt (250 cal)
-2 slice lean turkey bacon, 1 slice whole wheat toast, 2 egg whites, orange (240 cal)

Snack 10am
-fresh mini sweet peppers (25 cal/ 3)
-apples
-frozen fruit **myyyy favorite!!! You can buy it at costco, a big bag of frozen mangos, papaya, strawberries, pineapples
(70 cal. per cup!!)
-string cheese (not too big of a fan of)
-yogurt
-celery, carrots, broccoli (raw)

Lunch *goal is 300 cal 12 noon-1pm
-turkey sandwich on whole wheat with all the veggies, mustard, vinegar & black pepper
-strips of chicken breast over a mixed green salad with all the vegggies, vinegar, a tiny bit of oil, etc...
-tofu salad with a lil bit of sesame oil and soy sauce, vinegar with greens and veggies

Snack! Same as above 3pm

Dinner *goal is around 400-450 cal 5pm-6pm
-grilled chicken with steamed broccoli and herb roasted red bliss potatoes
-pan seared salmon with steamed veggies and 1/2 cup brown rice
-tofu soup with lots of veggies in it, steamed bok choy and 1/2 cup brown rice

Water
-10 cups

Ok so overall, nothing interesting.. everything really raw.. but I do have to say that my frozen fruits fulfill my dessert needs! They're soooooo goooood to eat! Def. should try it.

As far as my workouts,
I do an average of 30 minutes of cardio at the gym.. and burn between 300-400 calories.

Here is a list of what I've been doing on the machines:
-Treadmill... 2 min warm up at 3.4 speed... run at 6.5 speed for 3 minutes.. cool down for 1 min back to 3.4 speed.... incline 15 and walk at same speed for 4 minutes... decline back to 0... and run at 6.5 speed for another 3 minutes... cool down for 1 min at 3.4 speed.. etc..etc... I usually stop at 20-25 minutes..

-Ellipticals...start at level 7 resistance and just go for 10-15 minutes...

By the time I'm done with my cardio.. I'm drenched in sweat.. pretty gross.. cause I literally drip >.<.

I was meaning to blog about a few big points... but I've already forgotten.. I just feel soooo out of it.

OH yeah!! ok I remember one.. So.. I'm really starting to get pissed off and I need to let this out... cause it annoys the crap out of me.
I'm sick and tired of Koreans being so freaking judgmental on the way people look and act. It drives me NUTS!!!!!!
I can't stand it. Seriously. I'm overweight. yes. I know. But don't look at me like I'm some fat tub of lard that can't do anything!
Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Damn Koreans are all fake with their plastic surgery and their anorexic issues including their over obsession with having to have everything and demoralizing everyone. DON'T ACT superior, DON'T ACT like you're some gift from God. slkjfalskdjflaskjdfhvoxivuefr!~!!!

I'm seriously so over this having to be perfect thing. You know what's sad? Korean parents will tell their children that they love them... and then tell them that they should get nose surgery, eye surgery, leg surgery.. to lose weight.. to not drink water cause they'll gain weight.. to wear a corset so they get tuck in their bellies and sit up straight... to pretend they're perfect.

SCREWWWWWWWWWWW YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Sorry. I'm Korean.. and I love being Korean... I love Korean food.. and some of Korean culture... but I can't stand... 99% of the Korean population which explains whyyyyy I only have a handful of korean friends. >.<

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Sorry for the random frustrations..

I'm hoping to make a video soon...

so stay tune..
I love you girls :) 5 days down... 85 more days to go...

Day 2. A little better!

2011-01-20T22:40:00.001-08:00

Ok so first let me start off with my assessment information!!

::::Day 1:::::
Weight: 176 lbs.
Height: 5'5

Arm: 12 7/8 inches.
Waist: 38 1/2 inches.
Abs: 42 3/4 inches.
Hips: 42 inches.
Thigh: 24 inches.

Jean Size: 11-13Shirt Size: L & XL

Official GoalsOverall GoalsWeight: 120-130 lbs.Jean Size: 3-5Shirt Size: Sm
Weekly GoalsLose -3 lbs/ week
Monthly GoalsLose -15 lbs/ month
By the end of 90 days...Be able to run a 6k marathonEnjoy working outEnjoy eating healthyBe able to control my portions

To see my Fitness Regimen that Daniel (my trainer) is assigning me..Check out his blog!!!! He's blogging it all!http://jumpstartperformance.blogspot.com

Ok so.. there it is!I'm so tired.. I'm gonna pass out.. as soon as I tell you guys what I ate & how I exercised today.
-Started off the morning with a much better attitude, woke up at 7am..-Woke my pug up (she's overweight too LOL... forcing her to do this transformation too.. def. don't think she likes it cause she's on a major diet/exercise regimen.)-Went for a nice moderate jog for a good 45 minutes with Jadie (pug).. had to stop along the way cause she refused to run anymore every so often
Breakfast:-1 cup cheerios -1 cup 1% milk -strawberry yogurt
Snack:-fruit snack (50 cal thingy LOL dunno how to explain what it is)-small orange
Lunch:-6" turkey sub with all veggies +mustard, vinegar & black pepper -Subway
Snack-sweet mini bell peppers fresh
Dinner-4 oz. chicken breast w/ mushrooms, onions, white wine, garlic-steamed broccoli-roasted red bliss potatoes (4 small wedges) with rosemary, sage, garlic, thyme, salt, pepper
Total Calories consumed: 1350MUCHHHHHH better than yesterday... still not 1200 but.. getting there >.<
Gym Workout:-Treadmill- 20 minutes- 2 min run @ 6.5 speed... 3 min walk on incline 15 (alternate) -210 calories-Elypticals- 11 minutes- level 7- 1626 strides- 102 calories-This mornings jog= about 150 calories
Total Calories burned: about -450 calories.

Ok so before i leave.. i have to say... gym was much much much harder today than yesterday for some reason...and a few tips to stray away from binging..
-Have an exit escape when something catches your eyes *food wise.. just... grab a bottle of water and walk away-To satisfy a craving if someone's eating in front of you... eat your healthier food at the sammmmmme time... so that at least you're not hungry.. cause you're eating.. I notice that most of my cravings come from being hungry.. but if i'm already munching on something I won't crave the junk as much.-Keep your mind occupied.. distract yourself from even trying to crave something.. talk to someone about your day or about tv or whatever!
Okok I'm really done..2 days down...88 more days to go..

Day 1.

2011-01-19T22:53:00.001-08:00

Quick Update.
Today was my assessment day and day 1 of my 90 day weight loss journey with my trainer Daniel!
Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Did i mention that it was really mean.. and gruel.. and just.. UGH!!!
So.. I started off this morning waking up and thinking.. ohh.. yeah.. diet... no problem.. salad.. sounds good... and then as the day goes on..
I start to feel the cravings..
for... EVERYTHING!!!!!
Omg.

Why does food have to consumeeeeee my lifeeeee?! Seriously.. It's like.. as soon as you see junk you forget about allll the motivation and all your goals.. instead you just want to indulge in a 2 combo Panda Express with 1/2 and 1/2 with beef and broccoli & orange chicken.
Lol.
shoot me.
I quit smoking... and I somehow managed to survive that.. but really... FOOD?!?! WHYYYYYYYYYY does food have to be so fattening >.<

Ok I'll stop complaining. I'm pooped.. So i'm going to just jot my days recordings and pass out.
I really hope tomorrow is better. I'll update tomorrow with all my horrible measurements/ weight/ pictures... etc..

Breakfast
-1 english muffin
-apple
-orange juice

Snack
-string cheese

Lunch
-1/2 Sauteed Chicken breast + mixed salad with balsamic vinegar

So far so good..
until...
Allen decides he wants to try Yoshinoya for the first time in his life >.<
-1/2 a beef bowl *epic fail.

THENNNN he decides he wants to buy a bunch of chinese pastries.
- 3 bites of his really good cream puff pastries *epic EPIC fail

Dinner
-1/2 Turkey breast sub from subway with all the veggies.. mustard.. pepper and vinegar.

Total Calories consumed: 1600
Total Calories burned at the gym: -300
Overate by 400 calories >.<

Gym= kicked my ass.

Better luck tomorrow? >.<
1 day down.....89 more days to go.

Plog! (picture log)

2010-09-27T07:40:00.000-07:00

Hey loves!

I haven't put up any pictures in a while so I'm gonna do that today :)

Random pictures from the last few months of me being MIA.

Not going to talk much buttt I hope this is the beginning of me blogging/youtubing more! I've decided to really try to put aside some time for you ladies! I love you all! Thank you for the ongoing rooting & support!! :)

At school... this was in my garde manger class.. our class did a grand buffet of hor d ourves and litttleeeee appetizers. HECTIC!! tooooo many picturessss to upload but just a glimpse!

Home cooking! What I've been feeding Allen and I lol.. nothing special.
Chicken Souvlaki :) yum.
this is what you call a REAL burger LLOOLll.. made with my ownnnn ground patties!

Korean BBQ at home
Home made bakchoy kimchi :)
Whole grain healthy ratatouille pasta
corn salad mmmm

Allen's fav. steak and rosemary, basil potatoes.

My first composition design at school :)

Pictures of BOSTON & DC!!!

ok there's ALOT more so i'll update maybe tomorrow again!! With more pictures!! I love you guys!

To my dear readers/ friends/ supporters!

2010-09-12T12:38:00.001-07:00

Hey girls,

It's been quiet some time since my last blog post. Time is going by sooooooooo fast for me! My sincere apologies! REALLY!! I've been meaning to update you guys, but I keep delaying it!

There's soooo much to catch up on.. so I'm going to list everything as a timeline recap!!

Ready?!?!

Okkk!

-JULY-

-Finishing up Cuisines of the Mediterraneans class... 2nd to last week.. I sprain my ankle taking out the trash during class. Go to the ER... find out it's a 3rd degree sprain.. Doctor tells me not to walk on it for 3 weeks... Leave with crutches.. go back to school to report incident.. Miss ONE DAY of class.. JUST ONE... come back on Monday.. to continue with production in the kitchen... on a fat swollen hurting ankle.. Unfortunately my school is quiet ruthless.. cause there are absolutely NO excuses for ANY absences even if it is for medical reasons endless it's an excused religious holiday.. so guess what... I fail for the day I was absent even though I hurt myself at school doing school crap. Yeah.. so to sum up ... I lose a whole letter grade...

-Go on summer vacation back to California and let my ankle re heal for 2 weeks. Completely ruined my workout... Hurt foot = nasty weight gain.

-Came back a week early from California to go on a week long vacation with Allen. We went to Boston & DC... met up with some old & new friends (Mel & Pam!!!! who by the way are awesome.) Had a phenomenal time! Seriously.. was so much fun.

-End of July = 2 month mark since I quit smoking... A big accomplishment but a painful one.. My crutch to stress relief is replaced by food. -_-.

-August-

-Begin Garde Manger class (a class that is focused on cold food items as well as sausage making, plating, color & texture coordination, etc... ex.) appetizers, hor deourves, forcemeats, sausages, etc..)

-Complete class

-Begin Banquets & Catering class... where I spent a week and a half learning how to properly work the front of the house (being a server, properly pouring wine, presenting wine, setting a table, picking up plates, serving plates, speaking, etc.) and where I spent a week preparing mass amounts of food for big catering events without sacrificing quality and finesse. Front of the house was a blast.... back of the house was rough. I got yelled at everyday. LOL.

If there's one thing I've learned in school.. it's to not take things personal.

Culinary School= Boot Camp.

OKKKKK

-September-

-I'm 3 months away from graduating!!!!!!!

HOLY CRAP yes.. 3 months!!

-I start Wines class on Tuesday. 7 hours of lecture... everyday... on wine.. more wine.. and MORE wine.. excited... but overwhelmed. Supposedly it's a tough class as much as it's fun.

-Enough about school.

-Relationship? Allen and I are great. I adore him and all his imperfections. Did i tell you guys that he's the absolute worst dancer in the world? But he could care less... He still does these quirky embarrassing dances... everyday if not every other day.. while we're driving.. eating... watching a movie.. cleaning.. LOL. ---____---

I'm moving back to California probably sometime in January or February.. and I don't know where our relationship will go.. but I do know that we're quiet serious... and he's really considering California. I'm not forcing anything on him... because I really don't want him to move across country for my sake. I guess we'll find out what happens soon right? :)

-OKKKKKK so here's the REALLLLLL DEAL!

As of now.. I'm TOTALLY freaking out. Absolutely!!! Like... the last 2 weeks I think I've grown .... over 10 white hairs... I haven't been able to sleep very well because I can't stop thinking! In 3 months.. not only am I graduating but I'm also turning 24!!!!!!

TWENTY FLIPPING FOUR!!!!!

Reality check!! In the next 5 years-----> wedding.. kids... career... house.. WTH!!!!!

I'm not ready! I'M NOT READY!

I'M NOT READY! I'M NOT READY!!

It's bad.. nononono... it's not bad... it's HORRIBLE! I feel like i'm still 13.. I'm not ready for the real world..

As much as I think I'm independent.. I'm not.. I'm not because I'm not!!! Oh how I would love to go back in time..

and become a kid again.

LOL. so seriously.. I'm turning 24... and... I've been thinking about my options after school..

There's sooooooooo much I want to do.. but how and when and where and lkdjalksdjf..

lol.

So anyway.. I talked to my sister the other day.. and I've decided.. that there is plenty I want to do.. but if I want to achieve anything.. then I have to refocus my self on 1 goal.. and put everything I have into that one goal..

brbb....

gotta finish laundry.. allen's nagging. LOL.

it's 2:19am

2010-06-19T23:19:00.001-07:00

It's 2:19am...

it's hot & humid in my room..

I'm anxious..

can't sleep..

my mind seems to be running faster than I can comprehend.

So many random thoughts..

Okay here goes my random blogging.. Probably won't make sense.. but it's just a way to release so please take note.

In plain words...

I feel old and abnormal.

I just finished watching this episode of true life.. with some 20 year old girl whos phone goes off like... every 2 seconds... she's constantly out and about.. with girlfriends, guyfriends, boyfriends.. etc.. busy.. busy.. social life is everything..

I'm the complete opposite. What the heck am I doing. Really.

I'm just beginning to realize that a few years ago I had a few very select friends that I would talk to once in a while.. and now I'm realizing I don't talk to anybody. I mean I keep in touch with people through facebook...... but WOW.

SMACK in the face.

I seriously don't talk to anyone.

Literally...

Outside of school...

my boyfriend..

and family..

I don't talk to ANYONE.

I'm so disturbed by this.. I'm like starting to freak out.

Am I weird?

HOW is it that... I don't have a single ounce of a social life.

::sigh::

Earlier today, I was telling Allen how on Friday after school I wanted to go out..

I wanted to go home.. get dolled up for once (since I'm always in my Chef's Whites now)... and go shopping with a girlfriend.. when I realized.. I had no one to go with.

*DING!@#$%

Really.

I could've called my guyfriends from school... but really? I really am sick of all the testosterone around me..

-_-.

Yeah.. that's when the tears started rolling.

I really gotta give myself a break though. I've been so self conscious lately that I've kind of sealed myself off again. I'm now starting to break out of my closet but it's going to take some time..

I had said in my Youtube video a month or so ago how I was starting my diet & exercise..

Well I started... and my starting weight was 159..

but then my academic classes (from last quarter) hit me hard.. and I ended up not having the time.. and guess what happened.

I splurged.. ALOT.. and I gained.. I went up to 164..

I didn't even realize I gained 5 pounds.. until I stepped on the scale after the quarter ended..

Oh boy.. when I weighed myself.. I pretty much beat myself up for a few days..

Buttt don't worry..

I did start..

and here's some good news..

It's been 3 weeks now since I've started my diet & exercise..

It's also been 4 week since I've quit smoking.

It's been a hellish month... but I'm glad I've gotten through it..

My diet & exercise this time around.. is no joke. I'm hating every ounce of it..

but i'm not quitting.

I've lost 5 pounds.. which isn't that much.. but I've gained quiet a bit of muscle... which I'm okay with..

blahhhhhhhhh..

I feel so emotionless right now.. is that a word? So... uninspired..

i'm flustered.

I think I'm going to reblog in a few days.. I need to gather myself.

::Sigh:: I'll be back.

Massive haul/update/picture blog

2010-03-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

Hey girls!
Long time long time!
So.... as i mentioned 2 weeks ago in my youtube video, my chef WAS suppose to schedule me less for my last month of work... lol ummm yeah. That was a complete fail!! I'm back to my old schedule.. working 5 days a week.. 10 hours a day. :( *TEAR!! I was so looking forward to having free time to myself so that I can really spend some time exploring the city and making more videos before going back to school. ::sigh::

but anyway!
I have so much to tell/show you guys.
I've been thinking sooooo much about sooooo many random things... researching this.. and that.. WHEREEE TO START!
I guess i'll update you guys first on... everything! AHAHa.

Ok so here's the rundown
-Externship ends in.. 22 days!!!!!!!

-Going home for a week in 24 days!!

-Start school in.. a little of a month again

-gained more weight. ROFL.

-Addicted to sour candy

-My boyfriend's an old fart

-I met some random photographer that creeped me out today by the name of Mark Fisher? Supposedly the guy is UBER famous? 0_o

-i got a haircut

BEFORE

AFTER

-i'm now on garde mange (cold appetizer station) at work...

Cara Cara Salad with cara cara orange slices, fresh mint, toasted pine nuts, white wine chopped fennel, ricotta salata & EVOO
Steak salad over a rocket arugula smoked shiitake mushroom salad with a herbed balsamic vin.

Gruyere salad with a mix of bibb greens with fresh gruyere cheese, garlic parsley croutons & dijon dressing.

-Actually I'm a ping pong. Chef likes to toss me like a ping pong all over the kitchen.

-My coworkers keep asking me how to spell things like.. pomegranate... as if i'm smart... just cause I'm asian. LOL. -_-

-I've figured out my body shape.. and it's rather depressing.

-i went to an underground sake bar with my coworkers and two of my sous chefs.. AWKWARD! lol. the entire bar was 105% Japanese except us.. can you imagine... 15 weird diverse kitchen wackos walking into an underground sake bar where the servers pretty much don't speak any english. LOL. interesting night.

-did i mention my boyfriends an old fart?

-I woke him up the morning i went to stay with him upstate during a GINORMOUS snow storm... and asked him to build a snowman with me.. and he responded with.. "HELLLL NO"

-_- old fart. he refuses to do.. romantically fun, childish, things with me. what a party pooper!

as a result.. I made a mini one.. on top of his car... by myself. yes. myself. while he acted like an old fart.. plowing the driveway... which lead to a MEAN ugly snow ball fight. LOL!

-Went out for some sun with the bf... near ground zero .. ended up being a BAD BAD choice.. cause we got scammed to eat a $10 hot dog -_-; rip off cart! RAWR!

- I've been cooking... ALOT.. lately.. here's some of the food i've made.. a majority of it being korean =T i know.. i'm such a fob. LOL. i L my korean food though.

Pan fried mandooooo
A basic korean scallion & green leaf salad.. with a sesame oil vinagrette
Gallbiiiii tang!!

Chocolate chip pancakes! (The trick to big fluffy pancakes my dear ladies! DONT OVERMIX!!! Overmixing causes the gluten to overwork which makes it dense... leave the little clumps it's okay! It's a good thing when you're trying to achieve light fluffy goodness! :)

Kimchi bokkeumbap

Chicken Pad Thai
Soondubu (still working on this), Ssam gyup ssahl & galbi ssahm, with mandoo and all the ssahm stuff to go with it :)
filipino inspired bistek with steamed mandoo and white rice.. i added a twist by adding mushrooms and korean peppers
peanut butter jelly cookie :)
bibimbap. so easy.

MOVING on!!!!

NEW THINGS I'VE gotten/received the last few weeks:

1.) Sooo a few weeks ago... I got a package sent to my boyfriends house.. I opened it and prettttty much screamed lol cause somehow or another I was sent a BEAUTIFUL pair of earrings & a necklace from Sophia as a gift in Vitrail Light (the color). My boyfriend thought I was crazy.. cause i was literally... oOOOOING and AHHHHHing. LOL. -_- But anyway It's even more awesome because this is Sophia's own line of jewelry made with swarovski crystals! So what's more amazing then that... is that all the proceeds for the jewelry she makes are going to be donated to a charity in North Korea that provides food and schooling for the children there! If that's not awesome tell me what is! I definitely give her props.. Investing her own money that she makes and spending the extra time making the jewelry and selling it for the cause. SOPHIA!! You're the bomb :). Seriously. Which by the way.. THANKS for the goodies toooo!! (She sent me tea and candy and pocky and all these little goodies that i devoured in the car back to the city LOL) So yeah..
If any of you are interested check out her blog!! www.kechiko.com . She's OOOOOBER cute!

2.) Next!! I FINALLY bought myself a new traincase.. after my ghetto $30 caboodle one broke at the airport. LOL. I ordered this one off of overstock.com for.... $89.99 + a.. 10% discount :). My Review: 4 1/2 stars!!!!

I absolutely lOVEEEEE my new traincase.

Here are the Pros & Cons:

PROS:

-extremely sturdy & durable! NOT flimsy like some of these other makeup cases (made of reinforced steel).

-easy to roll around and travel with (has a handle in the back like a regular suitcase that elongates)

-easy access, sturdy shelves, clean look

-has PLASTIC lining inside on the bottom of each drawer so that it doesn't get dirty from the makeup! You can easily just wipe it down with a cloth and wala! Clean :) No old foundation stains and crap

-easy to open

-convenient square mirror inside as soon as you open it

-can be used as a storage organizer as well! Like a makeup shelf!! Easy to clean and put away!

CONS:

-A bit small for alll my makeup, buttt on a bright note big enough to carry all my essentials

-the opening at the front where it pulls down can get annoying when I'm sitting on the floor and using it. It'd be awesome if it detached. but oh well.

That's about it!

Here is the actual description of the makeup case:

Keep your makeup organized with a Pro Silver makeup case with drawers
Makeup case boasts a high-quality silver dot design finish and construction
Beauty product features reinforced steel corners
Plastic-lined drawers and trays for easy cleaning
Mirror under top lid
Five brush loops under lid
Four smaller drawers
One larger drawer
Two secure easy close latches
Ten brush holders
Swivel handle top
Shoulder strap

Dimensions:

Four smaller drawers each measure 5 inches wide x 7 inches long x 2 inches high
One larger drawer measures 10.75 inches wide x 7 inches long x 2 inches high
Top storage dimensions measure 11 inches long x 7 inches wide x 2.5 inches high
Bottom storage dimensions measure 11 inches long x 7 inches wide x 2 inches high
Outside case dimensions measure 12 inches long x 9 inches wide x 15 inches high
Product dimensions measure 12 inches x 9 inches x 15 inches

-

I love love love it!! How I organized it? The top shelf I store all my mac palettes, my brushes, moisturizers, etc.. (if i travel i toss it into the very bottom shelf underneath the big drawer, there's a big gap there). Then with the 4 mini drawers i separated it into categories.

1. Eye stuff

2. Foundation

3. Lipsticks

4. Lipglosses

and lastly, the BIG drawer i put all my remainder face stuff (my powders, blushes, etc.)

MOVING onnnn

3.) I bought this Eiffel tower candle holder from Target on sale for $12.00!!!!!!!!!! And guess what i use it for!?!??!

Pretty awesome huh? I love it!! Anything that has the eiffel tower is so chic. It just makes me feel all giddy. Ahahahaha.

4.) MAC Lightful Skincare collection

OHHHHhhh boy.. So i just talked about this in my youtube video so i won't get into too many details..

but bottom line.. I LOVE IT!!

Everything about it!

-The smell

-The texture

-The feel

Evvvvverything..

It does wonders to my face. Never dries my face out.. and keeps it really toned and refreshed. I especially like the cleansing foam, by far one of the best i've ever used!@

It's definitely on the pricey side.. I spent over $130.00 on the entire set.. but I figure I should start taking care of my face.. :) Until i'm 100% sold on another product I'm not planning to change!

5.)

OKKKK so as far as makeup I've gotten a few things:

-I just bought my first official $$ mascara out of pure curiosity. LOL. as ridiculous as that sounds.. it's true!! The only mascara that i've really ever bought.. is NYX's Doll Eyed Mascara which i absolutely love.. and... well.. yeah.. i don't even remember the last time before that. I've been given mascaras randomly as a gift.. like MAC's zoomlash (from the boyfriend) which.. i really don't like... and one from Jamie that was from korea that i DO really like... but that's it!

SO which mascara got me sold?!

FRESH Supernova Macara.

$25.00

Holy crap.. alot.. I've yet to try it..

but I was talking to a new friend of mine today (Lily- a fashion stylist!).. and she was ravinggggggg about this mascara.. and how natural it was and how it actually conditions your lashes.. without any tar or harmful chemicals at that.. what REALLY got me sold.. were well, quite frankly her lashes! I've never seen someone have such BEAUtiful natural lashes ... i kept staring at her like a crazy woman.. lol she started raving about it.. i was sold. end story.

Ahahahah. 5 minutes after hanging with her.. where did i go? Sephora.

SOOOOOO yeah. I'll let you guys know later when i start to use it how it goes!

Ok so HEre's the last thing.. before I end my 4 hour post. -_- i forgot how long it takes! holy cow!

So yeah..

I've finally figured out my body shape..

and it's rather sad..

but THERE'S HOPE! I hope these tips will help those of you girls who have the same problem as me. It's no wonder I keep going back to some of these clothing styles….

THE BODY TYPE:

Dun dun dun!!

APPLE BODY SHAPE

:( *tear.

So.. with the apple body figure.. our weight carries mostly in the chest and stomach and we usually have slim arms and legs (exactly my body shape)

Here is how you address this body:

TOPS:

Try to avoid too tight and too baggy, as well as thin material and go for slightly thicker to hide the stomach.

V-necks, boatnecks, turtle necks, mock necks, collars flatter us most! (Especially a good V neck!)

Play up cleavage, show a little bit of the girls! BUT!!! I a peek not TOO MUCH so that it can look a bit.. you know.. :).

Try to avoid big puffy sleeves, it'll attract more view to your upper body.

BOTTOMS:

Go for an a line skirt to get you a more hourglass look (i've yet to find the right one though)

YES! Goooo for the shorter skirts to show off the sexy legs! SOMETHING WE DO HAVE!

To balance the jeans, try lower waist to lengthen the torso also a straight leg or wide pant (even flare).If you get a muffin top wear a higher waisted jean but longer top to lengthen your back.

Here are some celebrities who have this body type!

So after looking through some online stores, here's some clothing that would work for our body:

EXPRESS:

EXPRESS:
EXPRESS:
EXPRESS: (this one i DEFINITELY want to go get!!! )

Crinkle Smocked Neck Top from Arden B $29.00

Two tone boatneck crop sweater Arden B $34.30

lurex stripe double v-neck top

plaid button front tunic $39.99 Arden b

glitter fit and flare dress $129.99 Arden B

floral burnout knit tunic $15.80 Forever 21

peacock sublimation top $17.80 Forever 21

*More tips:

-empire waist everything!!

-lose the belt anywhere near the waist, it'll just create more muffins and more attention to your stomach endless it's right under your bust

-heels! Wear some sexy sexy heels to bring attention towards your legs

-short shorts :) they work on us!

-v necks and halter tops

-off the shoulder!

-stay away from short cropped shirts

-AWAyyy from t-shirts that hug, as much as it looks comfortable on other people :( it doesn't work.

OKEy dokey. i'm off to bed! it's 5:17... but i'll talk to you ladies soon!

i love you all!

-Jinahhhhhh :)

need a change

2010-02-22T13:56:00.000-08:00

Hey girls!

So.. i'm so flustered cause the last 3 weeks... my internet has been indefinitely **itty. -_-; I can pretty much only just surf the net.. no streaming nothing. GRR frustrating cause I have a few videos i need to upload.. ONE being my contest winners video!! -________-! I had the cable company come in to fix it last week.. and they thought they did but they didn't do diddddlyy squat!! It's suppose to run at 10mgps but it's running at 1-2. horrible. really. SERIOUSLY! So they're coming back hopefully next week. Sadly until then i'll have to find another way to upload.

But anyway!

So much has happened! I'm no longer on pastry station at work andddd i'm only a month and half away from being DONE with this externship! YAY!!!!!!! I'm beyond excited. I'm sooooo done with being yelled at and stressed out.. and harasssed... and cursed at.. etc. I'M DONE! I'm at my witts end with guys treating me like i'm some piece of garbage. I swear, anywhere else.. the way i'm treated.. would be 100% intolerable. I just can't wait to go back to school! You have no idea!

The other day when I came home from work, I saw Allen and pretty much just burst into tears. That day, I seriously wanted to walk right out of work. There were 3 sous chefs working and I was being yelled at every 2 minutes because all three of them were telling me to do their tasks... I had a list of over 15 things to do within minutes and it was just so unrealistic!! All of them for some dumb reason thought I wasn't doing anything when clearly I was busy as hell. My cheeks were flushed, i was sweating cause I was constantly running up and downstairs grabbing different ingredients from the walk in.. I have one chef saying Esther! Finish the soup, add more lemon and cayenne and some reduced brandy. Esther! finish cooking the octopus! Save some of the liquid! Blast chill it, let it sit! Esther! i need floan bread **d damnit!! where the **ck is the floan bread! Esther! Esther! Esther! Make polenta, slice sashimi, make more crudo plates, cook the swiss chard, cut the mushrooms, clean the low boy. Esther WTF!

**CK

**CK.

literally. The Dominican prep guys even felt bad for me. They just kept saying, "China mucho trabajo, no bueno" = China lots of work no good.

Ugh. On a brighter note my exec. chef just told me that I'll be scheduled less starting next week since he thinks i've already completed way more than the required amount of hours. In a way of course that's good... but also bad.. since less work= less $$ =NO SPENDING absolutely.

I'm so homesick right now.. and so done with this place... i'm ready for a change!!!!!!!!!! Ready to get my learn on!!

Okay topic change.

::Sigh::

soo... I watched "The Cove" the other day.

One word: horrific

If you haven't watched this documentary, please watch it and sign the petition!

It's about dolphin slaughter in Taiji, Japan.

The fishermen there slaughter hundreds a day. It's absolutely heart wrenching. They heard whole pods of dolphins in by sending out 12 ships outside a small cove. They start banging on some metal to scare the dolphins which indefinitely does since they're sensitive to sound. They force them into the cove, net them in.. and slaughter them all every morning. Out of 100 maybe 10 get shipped around the world to seaworld and other attractions and the rest are.. just... STABBED to death with rods.. It's so sad! The slaughtered dolphins are supposedly sold in markets as whale meat... but scientists say that dolphin meat is deadly because the mercury amounts in them are 20x the amount of other fish. Dolphin meat=mercury poisoning. It's even more disturbing cause nobody even actually EATS the meat! So they're just slaughtering them without purpose! On a side note, dolphins are one of the only wild animals heard of that continuously have had accounts of saving humans throughout history. If you look it up on google you'll see articles of dolphin pods protecting surfers from sharks or helping humans to shores that have been attacked by sharks etc..

It's just... unacceptable.

So yeah, this morning i signed 2 petitions and wrote a letter. Spread the word and sign this petition!! Seriously!! =( stop the massaacre. :*(

Here are some pictures:

WEBSITES to visit for more information:
http://www.SaveJapanDolphins.org
http://thecovemovie.com/
http://www.takepart.com/thecove/

PETITION HERE:
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/petitions/252

Alright ladies...
I know this post was random..
I wanted to show you guys some makeup pictures and a haul.. but my internet upload is SOOOO bad right now I just can't. It'll take hours.

But coming soon:
-Haul & Review on MAC's LIGHTFUL skincare collection (I'm OBSESSED!!! LITERALLY I LOVE THIS STUFF!)
-Haul- Other MAC stuff :)
-Makeup Event review
-Possible MAKEUP MEETUP startup?!!? I'm thinking of starting a group out here in the city... where us girls can hang out :) and you know have fun!!
-Contest winners
-Makeup looks
ETC!
So stay tuned!
Love you ladies!!

boyfriend's boxers.. burritos.. cold toes

2010-01-18T13:52:00.000-08:00

Hey girls!!!!

It's been such a long time. As of now.. I'm still in my boyfriend's boxers (they're the BEST for PJS!~!! ) I'm craving... good ole california hole in the wall mexican burritos... :( and my toes are flipping cold!! Anyway.... Lets get to business!

Q & A ANSWERS:

Q: Jinah are you engaged?!?!

A: Lol nono! The ring you see on my finger is just a promise ring that Allen bought for me before I left to California back in November.

Q: Did you lose alot of weight?!

A: Nope, I haven't lost any. I've actually gained a few pounds back. I think my long hair just makes me seem like I've lost some weight.

Q: Are you done with school?

A: Nope, I'm on externship right now in the city.. I go back to school in April for another year!

Q: Is your boob okay?

A: LOl, yes. After taking the antibiotics.. it's back to normal :D

Q: Why have you stopped blogging/making videos?

A: I've been really busy moving from my school to California and back to New York city for my externship.

Okeys :) Now that all the general questions are done with..

How've you guys been?!? Oh boy..

so I got a comment on one of my videos the other day from a viewer saying that I shouldn't be ignoring my blog or stop making videos because I'm partner now.

::sigh:: :*( I hope you ladies don't think that! NOnononono. I sincerely hope you guys don't think that I've stopped updating because I'm partner. My life has been sooooo hectic this last year.. because of school that I've just not.. had the time. When I first started youtubing I was really just going to school part time.. and working part time..

since last March.. I've moved 3 times! From California to Hyde Park (up state new york), from Hyde Park back to California.. and from California to Manhattan. I hope you guys understand :(. I wish I had more time.. and more energy to keep up with this. I really do..

If i could only take you all into a day of my life.. oo boy.

But anyway,

CURRENTLY :)

I'm living in the lower east side of New York City! YES!! The city!

Isn't it crazy!? I would've NEVER thought in a million years that I'd even have the guts to live in the city by myself.. but it's true.. and I'm so amazed at how far I've come within the last year. I've pushed myself into doing the uncomfortable.. taking risks.. and sacrificing to really reach for my future. It's been tough. Thinking back on 2009 has been absolutely nutts.

I'm so grateful for everything that has happened to me.. for my family & bf who support me and love me unconditionally.

Oh man.. what a ride it's been.

My thoughts on the city:

Absolutely amazing! Once in a lifetime kind of experience! But.. man.. it's FLIPPIN EXPENSIVE!

I'm living on nickles and dimes.. on my $8.00/hr externship pay it's rough. I've never really understood how valuable money is until now. I'm scrrouuuunnnging everyyyy month to figure out rent. It's so stressful. I can now say.. that I understand why people say.. to live at home as LONGGGGG AS YOU possibly can. LOL!! Oh how i took little things for granted before.

For example:

Rice cooker!! OMG! $105.00. Yes. My tiger japanese rice cooker cost me... a whole chunk of my month's rent. :(

Ahaha. okay enough with the boring.

SO what else..

Allen's doing good :). We're doing good. Our honeymoon phase is definitely over.. we bicker at each other.. we annoy each other at times.. but we still have our moments.. He comes down every weekend.. I feel like a little girl when I see him. I still get shy... and I get self conscious at times.. He still hovers over and hugs me for a good minute when he firsts sees me.. then kisses me on the forehead.. He still does the dishes after I cook.. and does countless other things to make things easier for me. He goes grocery shopping during the week.. so that I don't have to in the city when I'm exhausted from a 10-12 hr shift in the kitchen. He really is incredible.

My china man.

i do.. i dooooooo i love my china :)

ehe.

So yeah.. as far as work.. It's been... overwhelming.. but I'm definitely handling it. My first 3 weeks in the kitchen was so rough. I must've cried everyday when I got home from work. I was so exhausted... My birthday was the worst.. I felt so lonely... even though Allen was with me.. I was so exhausted emotionally and physically from work that I really.. just missed my mom.. my family.. My mom left me this 10 minute long voicemail.. and I literally just sat... crying.. and crying.. and crying.. listening to her voice. I miss her so much. Nothing is better than to hear your mom's voice when you're at your weakest.

But yeah..I thought school really did a good job preparing me for reality in the kitchen life.. WRONG.

Jeez. Endless you have rock hard skin prepare yourself... maybe it's just my kitchen at work..

but.. the amount of... harassment.. belittling.. violence... and stress you experience is just so overwhelming.. ESPECIALLY being a girl. It's amazing how much more we have to endure. But then again.. I'm like one of three girls working in my kitchen out of 50 or so guys. It's tough. I can' t say much more.. cause it'll probably bite me in the ass later..

but I've got to say..

I've definitely learned.. patience.. endurance... and perseverance.

Overall.. Because of what I've seen and heard.. I know now more definitively how I want to run my business.. and how not to run it likewise. Anyway it's getting late!!

10pm is my bedtime!!

So i'll update you guys more soon :)

In the meantime, here's some... pictures. :)

THE BEST funnel cake/ice cream ever! Allen and I had it when we went to SeaWorld in San Diego :) back in December.

Touring San Diego with Allen back in Dec. Oh how i miss the nice bright warm sun :(

WELCOME to my new home! (my room in Manhattan, now)

Allen and I repainted the whole room before moving in completely :) to make it a little more homey

TADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (cousin- Kevin on the floor visiting from California)

FOOD DEATH= Halal Chicken, Lamb & Rice on 53rd St cart.. with a TON of butt burning hot sauce and white sauce. LOL. COMPLETELY DEADLY! CHristmas Morning :)

Christmas morning lunch LOL!!!!!!!! Seafood galore?! I cooked calamari.. steamed clams.. & seared scallops
Messy messy..
What i ate the other day. I don't even know what it is.. LOL.. hot chicken....stew? i dunno i kind of just dumped everything in. LOL..

My mom's cafe in San Diego at the Department of Defense Base.. before I redecorated the place!

After my dad, sister, mom and I painted the walls.. added curtains.. pictures.. plants.. much cozier right?

k! Update soon I love you all! And miss you tons!!

Can't sleep, HE'S COMING TO CALI!!!!!

2009-11-19T09:26:00.000-08:00

Hey loves,

So last night.. I couldn't go to sleep till 2 something in the morning.. which is reallyyyyy late for me since I typically wake up at 6am with Paul (my nephew). Allens coming to Cali in 2 days.. and i'm so excited.. I can't think of anything besides him. I've missed him so much. I've been losing my mind here in California.. with all these ridiculous thoughts..

I should be happy to be home.. but I've seriously been being ping ponged back and forth between my sister's house and my parents house.. on who gets to use me for labor. BLAH.

Anyway,

the past week I've been pretty upset.

I'm so tempted to smoke right now because of my weight gain. I know that sounds ridiculous but I can feel the fat on every part of my body just.. coming back x309049383. It's so hard.. to see the weight that I worked my butt off.. come back.. 7 more pounds and I'll be back to the weight that I started out with in March. Ugh. Since quitting I've gained back close to 10 pounds..

My sister and Allen keep telling me.. health is more important than my weight. Quitting smoking was a good choice.

Right? RIGHTTTTT?!?!?

Then why in the worldddddd am i so tempted to start again.

It's horrible.

The only thing that's keeping me away, in honest truth..

is the disappointment I'd see on my families face along with Allen's face..

in addition to the fact that it's not a good smell to be around my nephews with.

Beyond that.. I'm just.. fighting the temptation to pick up the nasty habit again.

I eat so frequently right now.. and it's so hard to fight that too!!

My nephew has a pretty distinct schedule when it comes to eating.. and I end up eating with him every single meal. I've never ate so on the dot..

Breakfast.. snack.. lunch.. snack... dinner.. dessert.

HOLY SOIEUROIWJEOIWFJ.

I don't even LIKE sweets and I'm craving them.

Damn junk food.. keeps you craving more junk food.

It's depressing.

I can't freaking wear the clothes I was wearing in NY.

I'm so excited to see Allen..

but then again.. I'm scared out of my mind... cause I don't want him to see me..... like a blimp.

It's frustrating.

I feel like a couch potato even though I run around all day chasing my nephew.

I can't do this.

I'm so ready to go back to New York and start my life again..

I want to do everything.

I won't stop myself from anything.

Anyway,

I gotta run. Daniel (my newborn nephew) is hollaring.

Oh for you mommies out there... I HAVe to give you props.

You ladies just aren't as appreciated as you should be.

Here are some pictures:

My mommy & Baby Daniel
Daddy and Baby Daniel
My family <3 and my chubbed self.

ROLLS GALORE COMING BACK. sadness
Yuko and I <3 She came for the whole weekend to see me from Arizona! I love you!!!!!

Yuko, her baby Lotus and her hubby Tariq!!! Hot family huh?!?!

My closest cousin and I. I can't believe he's turning 21 in 3 months!

youtube... i gotta seriously.. catch up on it. BLAH.

scared.. to show myself. i just wanna hide in a hole.

update:
Here's a video of my nephew.. paul.. while i'm feeding him Jja Jang bap.
Hilarious.
Enjoy

I CAN'T FRIGGIN SLEEP!!!!!!

2009-11-10T00:29:00.000-08:00

whhhhhhhhattttt the monkey fart!! POO ginger nuggets of COW!!!
Ahhhahahahahahah.

I can't sleep. I'm so hyper. WHY WHY WHY!!!! And because i'm up.. i should be doing something productive.. but no. Instead.. i'm sitting in my fav. shirt.. with very ugly baggy old booty shorts from Victoria Secret that Allen swears i have to throw away, LOL they don't even hug my butt since i don't have one. AHAhahahahaha. how sad.

I figure I might as well give you guys another update right! Sooooo.. let's see..

Right now I'm in San Diego again.

Blah. I know right? I hop around too much. I'm gonna do my mini story/timeline update again:

-I came back to SD on... Thursday because I find out that there's something black growing in my dad's hip. They don't know what it is yet.. ::sigh:: so.. of course me being a baby.. i just started crying without even knowing the details. I cried the whole 2 hour drive home by myself. I get home and my parents look at me all crazy cause it's not even phasing them. My brother starts yelling at my parents.. telling them that they can't be telling me this stuff cause i can't handle it.

truth. it's true. I can't. I don't think I can handle.. the idea of death at all yet. I cried for months when Boba passed away. and can hardly keep myself from crying when I think of him.

-My mom tells my sister.. she had.. the same.. horrible dream.. that she had before my Uncle passed away except this time with my dad... T-T i know right.. moving on.

-Friday I end up.. doing absolutely nothing like the loner i am. LOL. except cleaning of course. I cleaned the house.. and had dinner with the family.

-Saturday my sister randomly says that we're having.. a mini celebration for Baby Daniel (my newest nephew), so my family and I head back to Orange County for that. Had an amazing time. Being around lots of family is truly the best feeling.

*So.. guess what... while my aunties were sitting down with my mom chatting away.. they start talking about.. me.. I was preparing myself for the worst right, since koreans are so judgmental. Surprisingly, my auntie starts saying, "Yeah your shi-lang (future new husband- which she's referring to Allen AHAHAHAHA- WHOLE nother story) is such a lucky man." She proceeds to look at my mom.. and continues to say " Esther can cook, do makeup, studies well, has a one of a kind personality, i mean she's good at everything she does". * TIME OUT *. So.. as soon as she said the first compliment my jaw kinda dropped.. My aunties never say anything positive to me. THey've always told me.." lose weight.. don't go to culinary school. go to harvard. why are you with that boy. You're dark. Don't even drink water at night. " so you could imagine, me hearing that come out of THEIR mouths.. complete shock. i probably drooled a little bit. ahahahhaa

-Anyway Yesterday I ended up going to shoot pool with one of my besties. Freddy bear! (The guy that made the CHAE sign last time i flew in LOL since he thought he wouldn't recognize me cause of the weightloss) AHHAHAHAH. Oober fun. drank a bit. got loose. Enjoyed myself. First time in a while.

-I just totally lost my train of thoughts. darn.

moving on...

Mm..

OH YEAH!!!!!!

CONTEST CONTEST CONTEST!! Did i say CONTEST?!!?!

So I'm holding a contest.. DETAILS will be put up SOON!

xpinkxx (aka SUPER UBER HOT SEXY PAM) gave me the idea.. of doing a COOKING competition.. whilee incorporating.. a makeup look to go with it. Ahahah Pam also said.. to bust out the hooker heels. LOL. What do you guys think? I recently got a HUGEEEEEE gift package from Sigma! Their brushes are...PHENOMENAL.. I'll be doing a 1-4th place.. with 1st place getting the FULL BRUSH SET!! It's like.. 10+ brushes. NO KIDDING. they're seriously really good too. VERY similar to MAC although some of the bristles are different.

So let me know what you guys think!

Alright I'm gonna stop.. cause my brain is slowing down.

But here's my photo journal within the last few days =) enjoy!

We OOVOO almost every night.. and laugh away.. at the stupidest things. I burp. He looks at me.. in total disgust AhAHHAHAA

I even cried. because of stress. LOL. what else is new right?!
yeah.. he laughs at himself when he THINKS he's funny. Him and his oober denarded jokes. lol

OKKKKK so My BESTY from Arizona is coming to see me with her baby and husband!! I haven't seen her in 4 years!!! Since... our fight. Do you guys remember me talking about how I apologized and it took the biggest burden away? Well I get to finally see her!!

Yeah.. We were 14 here.. and uhh.. yeah.. the hair.. the brows.. everything. LOL. muy no bueno
LOOK AT MY SHOES! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA! remember the cropped pants. oh my.
Made potato au gratin
Along with stuffed tomato & bell pepper duxelle (mushroom stuffing)
Made shrimp scampi pasta!??! YUMMMMMM.. i was eating it.. and totally forgot to take a picture.. so I took a picture after i took a bite

My uber cute nephews and i (Paul the smallest one, Brandon the med. one lol and Justin the eldest one)

I made a Recipe Journal! I bought the notebook from Borders for $3!! because it was 75% off!!! WOOO.. then I made tabs and categorized all my favorite cuisines. It's my newest obsession. I've been running to everyone asking them their best dishes ahahah

Paul's so cute. He kept jumping on my bed and laughing at himself cause he was having so much fun. He's only a year and half crazy right!

Baby Daniel and I
My older sister and Baby Daniel <3>

OKkk my newest projecT !!! I initially wanted to buy a Hello Kitty laptop sleeve (the original from Sanrio.. not bootleg) but it was going for $50!!!! so i decided to make my own.

I started off by buying this sleeve from Target for $13.00

Then for $1.00 i bought this.. moving packing material...

At target I bought the Love love love hankerchief for $1.00!! I didn't know what i was going to use it for.. then i bought the black and white fabric at the japanese store for $3.00.. I got the packing material.. sized it.. then wrapped the fabrics around it.. then SEWED it into the laptop sleeve.

Added the Apple sticker that came with my MacBook Pro.. AND WALLA!!!! DOPENESS! and it's so stuffed that i'm positive it'll protect my laptop!

I bought this uber cute pink bag at Walmart for $10.. and found a black ribbon thingy around the house.. LOL.. and i'm using it to carry my laptop

Ok for my laptop accessories (charger, headset, itouch, etc) I bought this black pouch at the Japanese store for $1.50.
With the left over fabric... i sized it to the pouch and sewed it.. so that it'd fit around the pouch..

WALA!!!!!!! Cute right?!?! Fits all my laptopy stuff!!

Okeyyyyys All done :) I love you ladies@!!

Thanks for reading up on me.. and checking up with how i'm doing.

Especially the emails. I'm telling you... it's like therapy! I'm actually going to go KARAOKE with Sarahhhhh on Wednesday who I'm meeting through my emails! <3

BTW: If you haven't found me on twitter. FIND ME!!

I'm now... addicted. ::sigh:: LOL

http://twitter.com/jinahchae

Thinking of him.

2009-11-02T21:53:00.000-08:00

Hey loves!

It's beeen just about 2 months I think... since I last blogged. So many things have happened..

Just a quick rundown of some Random things that've happened to me. I'm not exactly in the mood to.. edit my writing.. so I'm going to write very.. freely. I'm going to tell you guys the truth.. and nothing but the truth.. so bare with my... depressing.. desperate.. joyous.. frustrated... moments..

-I got some sort of flu.. for a week and had to drop out of my Garde Mange class late September

-Passed my cooking practical with a 94 in the beginning of October

-Spent the last two weeks in New York with Allen.. we cooked dinner every night together.. watched football every Sunday & Monday...

-Allen bought me a promise ring

-Bump on boob is finally starting to go away.. almost gone

-I've secured an externship site at Union Square Cafe in Union Square (NY).

-I need to find a place to live ASAP in the city.

-I'm in California right now...staying at my sister's house in Ladera Ranch (Orange County) until Nov. 27 then I go back to NY.

-Sister gave birth to her second son Daniel Jeremiah Park

-I'm at my sister's house.. to nanny my sister's 2 year old while she nurses

-I just about went through a 10 nervous breakdown while my sister was in the hospital giving birth because my nephew was making me feel helpless.

-Nephews in his terrible 2's. Every second= another tantrum... after tantrum.. after tantrum. ::sigh:: so hard.

-I've quit smoking for just over 3 weeks now... and I'm still fighting my urges.

-I'm desperate to smoke. I should feel proud of myself.. but I don't. I'm happy it's not effecting the people i love around me.. health wise.. but.... smoking wasn't just a physical habit.. it helped me cope with stress.. it filled in my gaps throughout the day.. it was emotional.. and mental..

-my habit of smoking has been replaced with eating. -___________-; depressing isn't it?!!?!?

-I've gained weight. ::SIGH!!!!!!::

-My weight gain is making me feel insecure.

-I don't want to even.. wear nice clothes.. or do makeup because of my weight gain.

-I've received products to test out.. but haven't managed to play with them yet.

-My camera is dead and I didn't bring my charger from san diego= no videos.

-I started a food recipe journal. Bought a random mini notebook at Borders... and made tabs.. and now i'm loggging all my fav. recipes.. including recipes of my own.

-I've started a journey to really get down and dirty with learning to cook. Starting with Korean food. I want to learn more and more and more.. about the foundations of my cultures food. Food tells you history. It's an amazing thing.

-I've been cooking something new EVERY DAY. Something I've never done.

-I'm obsessed with Hello Kitty. OH EM GEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

-I got a new macbook pro. But am still learning to use it.

-I love my boyfriend more.. than.. I can explain.

-I've decided to settle with an associates degree from my culinary school rather than pursuing my bachelor's because I feel as if I'll be wasting $64,000 for an extra 2 years of general ed classes that will never do me any good with a bachelor's degree in culinary arts.

-I'm starting to plan my business for when i graduate.

-I'm going to pursue my book on asian makeup.

-I'm craving girlfriend companionship.

-why is it so difficult for me to find good girlfriends. Once again.. for the hundred thousandth time.. i ask this same question.

-i'm a mess a mess a mess a mess a mess!!!!!

-I can't get the elmo song out of my head since my nephew lovesssssssssssss the elmo song.

-I can't stop thinking about the "ktown girls" video on youtube cause it's so flipping funnny. "Like.. OH MY *OD!" ahahahahhaha

-I need contest ideas to do a contest so i can give away gift packages of brand new SIGMA brushes.

-i redesigned my mom's cafe.. painted the walls from this nasty teal color to a 3 tone color.. one wall= dark reddish.. one wall= peanut butterish.. one wall= latte ish... made it into a.. paris kind of theme.. with coffee art on the walls.. A paris adhesive picture.. i painted Hiedi's cafe in HUGEEEEE decorative writing on the main wall..

-spent a whole weekend spray painting ugly cafe chairs black.. to make it more modern..

-i've been a slave since i've been home. Haven't even unpacked my belongings yet.. and it's been 2 weeks.

-I've yet to call any of my friends here in California because i have no time to myself.

-I'm also carless so i'm stuck in Orange County.. without anyone to go out with :(

-I miss my boyfriend so much.. i feel like I'm missing half of me.

-I want to get married in the next 2 years.

-I had a nightmare with every stress of mine haunting me.. HORRIBLE DREAM. i woke up.. wanting to run away somewhere.

-i wish i were 13 again.

-Did i mention i have the best boyfriend ever? Whoever said love doesn't exist is WRONG!!!!! He completes me. Literally.

-He's flying in for Thanksgiving to meet my family. official.

-We're flying back to new york together.

-I seriously need to find a place to live in the city. feeling hopeless.

-I'm in desperate need of a way to make extra money. My min. wage externship in the city is DEFinitely not going to cover my living expenses. Stressed.

-i feel sad at the moment. i don't know why. i just do.

All done =)

Was that random or what?!?!?!

Ready to see some random pictures?!!?!

Sorry girls.. I'm not as bubbly like i usually am.. although........ this really is an insight to everything that's running through my mind.

Fritada dish i made in my America's Kitchen.. made by me.. plated by me :)

Kim-Bap that i made for my brother in law.. and my nephew

The dinner i made tonight for my sister.. my brother in law and my nephew:

Seared Filet Mignon topped with roasted onions & whole garlic with a balsamic, red wine, mushroom reduced sauce.. a side of roasted asparagus and mashed potatoes.

bare with me girls..

Jinah

I'M OKAYYYYYYYy!!! =)

2009-09-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

look at the keychain Jamie made/bought/ sent me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MYYY FAV!!!!! i loveeee it!!1 Thanks Jamie!!

Hey girls!
I know i know, someone needs to kick me in the butt for being so MIA. You know when you get really busy, then when you find some time.. you just... don't feel like doing anything.. like absolutely NOTHING. Yeah that's how it's been lately. School has beeen soooooo rough. The last 3 weeks i've been in my new class Asias.. which is ending actually today.. and it's been one heck of a rollarcoaster. The class is sooooooo hard we had 6 people drop out.. We started with 15 and now we're down to 9. Crazy right?!

ANYWAY!!!!!!!! I have some pictures for you guys.. from what i've been doing.. and i got a package from JAMIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! wooooooo!! =] can't wait to show you all!

Buttt before i get into all the picture showing..
Just gonna touch up on everything else.

Welllllll.. as far as my relationship...
things are amazing.

In plain words..
He's amazing.

You know, I've had sooooo many people tell me.. oHHhHh the flirting...lalala.. and his charm.. and his spontaneousness will go away.. He won't treat you that good later on.. bablablablabla..

and so you know.. I've been expecting it to come.. but still it hasn't..
and i really don't think it will.
He's so thoughtful.. and CHARMING. How i landed with this guy.. i have NO idea.
I don't know if i mentioned this before..
but Allen's the first guy... that still gets me nervous..
The whole nervous thing.. and the question of "do i look okay".. has never lasted for more than 2 weeks in my past relationships. I don't know what it is..
but with him..
I still blush.. I still get embarassed...

So he comes to see me every other day.. at around 9:30pm cause that's when i get out of class... it's so funny.. I'll be walking down the stairs towards my dorm.. in my chef's whites.. my hair funky... clothes stained... and he'll be waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs..

He smiles.. and always kisses me on the forehead.. .
then he'll make a funny face... cause he can taste the grease AHAHAHAHAHA.
Then he says.. my cha sio bao... then he preceeds to say... and literally.. he says this EVERY DAY... if not in person.. then over the phone..
"Did i ever tell you about the first time i met you... how beautiful you were"... but the twist is.. it changes a tad bit everytime..
like now he says.. "Did i ever tell you about the first time i saw you... my jaw hit the floor so hard that i had to get braces to fix my teeth" AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
LOL.
so corny right.
it's so funny cause he says it to me... when i'm at my grungiest.
Okok so i gotta tell you guys..
Last night he came over.. and we were eating dinner on the floor.. left overs from my class right. (Indian food that i made!!)
So we're eating.. and watching tv...
and i guess i drank too much diet coke.. so i do this GINOOOOOOOOOOORMOUS burp.. soooooooo loud... i even surprised myself.. and of course.. i start busting out laughing.. ahhhhhhhhhhahahaha
his face..
is just...
shock.
LOLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL like literally.
SHOCK. AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
so then he's trying to think of what to say..
but he's so disgusted he just keeps staring at my like.. WTF.
LOL
so then i'm like laughing so hard that im crying..
then he starts to say..
"Babe.. seriously!? You HAVEEEEEEEEEEEE to do that while we're eating dinner?!!?!" blablabla.
Anyway..
like... 5 minutes later..
we're sitting ON THE FLOOR right..
he has one leg up..folded inwards towards him... and the other down...
i'm eating.. he's eating..
and all of a sudden..
he rips.. the BIGGEST NASTIEST FART EVEr!!!! Almost sounded like poo came out. -__________-;
so he looks at me in shock again.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
and I'm dying...
then he goes from loooking shocked... to laughing.
Then i'm like yelling at him.. and he's like WHAT?!?!?! WHAT'D I DO!??!
LOLLLLLL.

Seriously we have the funniest moments.

Anyway.. I can't say how lucky i am..
he asks me in the car everyyyyyday... if i'm okay.. if i need anything..
he won't let me put anything on the floor in the front seat cause he thinks it'll make me uncomfortable.. EVEN MY BAG.

Ok a couple things before I start the pictures..
I'll try to make a video soon i promise!
We're going on a weekend trip to Syracuse for the NY fair.. then to Niagara falls!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEe!!!!!!!! will take lots of pictures =]

So here's pictures from the city a few weeks ago =). It was me, tiff, allen & his brother =)

f

LOST IN VERMONT

ahahaha. Here's some pictures of Allen & I going to my classmates lodge in Vermont for the weekend. We ended up having a cooking competition where I got to judge and just eattttt yum yum =). Oh the lives of culinary students. ahhahaa. probably the only time i'll eevvverr have guys cook for me right?

COLD SPRING, NY
an itty bitty cute town near my school that Allen took me to =)

meet ALEX. LOL. We made him at the build a bear... looks just like allen right?! :D

K so this was hilarious.. cause Allen was pulling out money from the atm.. well.. i pulled a DDONG JJIP on him (ddong jjip... is like.... a poke in the butt.. a joke that us koreans do.. usually only when we're children.. LOL but yeah).. so he got paranoid and slid alll the way to the door so he wouldn't lift his butt ahahahhahahha

OK i gotta run cause i have class... but i still have MORE PICTURES! i"ll post everything jamie got me and some VIDEOS of some of the action the last few weeks!! talk to you ladies soon!!!!!

MISSSSSSS You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Picture Journal RANDOMNESS!

2009-08-03T06:55:00.000-07:00

HIIIIIIIIIIIIII lovely lovely lovely loves!!

Long time nooo seeeeee!! <3>
I finally feel as if i'm home. 3 weeks is definitely too long... away from the china man! Ahahaha. Really... i'm so content being back in New York.. I mentioned before how i felt like time just wasn't passing in California.. Here i feel like the world is turning with meeeee enjoying eveeryyy minute of it! But i have to admit i miss the fam bam.
But anyway!

I just started a new class.. Cuisines of Americas.. It's a kitchen class of course.. and we're cookin up alll sorts of cuisines from regions all over the US.. first we were cookin up some.. thanksgiving goober food LOL. Def. not my fav. Old school turkey... stuffing.. really heavy duty braises.. johnny cakes.. etc.. now we're moving onto Cajun food! WOOO yum.. Mmmm... you guys will see some pictures laterrrr :)

I guess i'll just go with the random pictures now. ahaha..
This morning i woke up... and got ready in some business casual clothes to go take a writing exam. POO ON WRITING! I hate writing essays. I love freestyle writing (as you all can see) but... when it comes to me.. writing an official BS paper on BS more BS and more BS it's just... disappointing to read.. and POOPY. lol. whatever.. but on the way out (i was the last one -__- as always) i stopped by the school's oh so popular Apple Pie Bakery.. and picked up an Iced Latte.. some chocolate chip cookies for the China man <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MEhwUY_-rOk/Snb1FqUULOI/AAAAAAAAAmc/_wFGxpZRDQI/s1600-h/DSC02958.JPG">
Coookies=good... burrito... THAT IS NOT A BREAKFAST BURRITO!! Lol. STRIKE for my school.. a breakfast burrito has got to be not so pretty.. come on now... all the uber guber gooshy fatty bacon and sausage and hashbrown and cheeseee and salsa.. etc... this one only has eggs and chorizo =( but it doesn't taste bad..

but yeah.. okok i'm moving on.

You guys see the sign in the back? Remember Freddy made that for me from the airport?! LOL..

I am officially an Iced Latte addict.. had it 4 of the 7 days last week. oH boy. DENG YOU STARRBUCKS!

I got this sweatshirt (i know i know it's summer.. yet i'm wearing it.. it's actually thin though anddddddddd it's freezing in my room).. at H&M!!!!! The BEST $30 i've ever spent! SOOOOOo comfortable.. definitely my newest obsession.. I refuse to travel anywhere without it! It's cute isn't it!? Wait until you girls try the thing on!! It's like.. heaven on your skin! I mean i have a weird thing with material and feel... this thing.. oooooooo... Allen saw me wear it and he loves it too :)

We had sushi for lunch the other day.. yeah yeah not so interesting lol but it was delish :)

Wee went to a pool party... and we were drinking a bit... both Allen and I have the asian glow thing going on... and since it was hot + allergic reaction to alcohol... i was able to imprint my hand on Allen's back AHAHAHAHAH! He didn't believe me until i did it!

K so here's how i travel with my makeup.. I still haven't unpacked it from cali... but i wanted to show you girls cause i love it..
This makeup brush pouch thingy is from NYX... <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MEhwUY_-rOk/Snb04BjUykI/AAAAAAAAAl8/obn1RuF196s/s1600-h/DSC02964.JPG">
Full picture of the hello kitty sweat shirt :) $30 H & M!
$4.00 shirt at Forever! YESSSSSSSSS! I'm such a cheap fart.. I go straight to sale racks..

$5.00 shirt at Forever 21!! WOooooooooo.. The pattern is different. I would've never bought something like this typically.. but it was so cheap i tried it on.. and it looks good! Very different :)
$24.95 shirt from H & M.. Mmm.. doesn't look so appealing on the hanger.. but when you wear it, it's very flattering.. The upper portion reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllly makes your boobs look good. LOL. seriously.. and it slims down your waist. That's always nice :)
My bed.... random right?

I bought a new carpet from target and put it only on my 1/3 of the room. Feels nice to walk around barefoot again :) oh i miss my freedom.

Remember how i mentioned i ordered a bunch of makeup books online? Mannnnn i brought this back with my luggage from Cali.. weighed almost 40 pounds on its own!!!! -_- I haven't looked through allllllllll of them in detail yet.. but so far.... i'm a bit disappointed... doesn't really help with asians. I still think practice is #1.. They stereotype us toooo much.. Even us asians have a billion different eye shapes.. you can't just categorize us as... one MONOLID. -_- or they call us hooded in some books -_-
K this my loves.. is the BEST conditioner ever !!! You have to pick it up at a beauty shop.. and it's a bit expensive.. but TRUST ME! It feels like.... those tubes of conditioner from hair dye EVERYDAY... PLUSSSSss it smells soooooo gooooood! Makes your hair SUPER SUPER soft.. try it out! I finally found it after 5 years of searching for it at random beauty supply shops.
Don't you love how roommates just leave their bras hanging around everywhere? Her BF is here too.. but i guess.. no one minds LOL. I should run around the room with it on my head :D
So when i went to Mexico with my dad... we stopped by the pharmacy and i picked up this bottle of facial lotion... It's suppose to help dark spots where you have to much melanin? Kinda like to brighten your face? I've been using it everyday.. and i can't quiet tell if it's working butttt one thing for SURE.. it feels soooooooooo goood on your face... smooth.. NON oily... feels like..... can't even explain... It's made in france.. and in Mexico i bought it for... $20 or something like that? Don't know how much it would be in the states though.. gotta look it up!
Other obsession: I love using these prestige mineral bronzers/highlighters for eyeshadow... and a highlighter... and a bronzer. They're so multiuseful!!!

i've been using it as a highlight for my brow cause it has a gold tint! It's really really really really nice!

my desk
my frig...

Of all the lotion i've ever tried.. my fav. is still baby lotion. It really is gentle to my skin... and my body skin i gotta tell you.. is SUPERRRRRRRR sensitive.. LIKE REALLY sensitive..
My fav. perfume.. it's a sample one... buttttttt i love ittt i'm def. gonna go buy a bottle.

KKKKKKKK lastly.. here's pictures of my class.. The food you see.. is our fAMILY meals.. after we prep our actual dishes.. to serve... we cook up alllllll the left overs for ourselves.. bufffet style... and we eat dinner together :) UBER amounts of food.. oh jeez.. everynight=food coma LOL. Ehhh actually alot of us lose our appetiteeee cause we're exhausted.. but yeah...

MMy bestie here at school John <3 SINGLE I TELL YOU!! I need to find him a girl :P Anyway.. thats it for the pictures.. :) random right :)

Before i goooo gguesss what happened =( .. I was taking a shower.. and i found a lump on my boob. =(. I'm a bit scared.. cause it's not going away.... Allen's taking me to see a doctor this week... SCARED!!!!!!!! I'm hoping it's nothing serious.... wish me luck :( hopefully i don't have to get any shots.. for.. whatever reason... Otherwise China man's gonna have to deal with my crybaby side =_=; ahaha
happy thoughts..
happy thoughts right?

as farr as weight.. oh lordy.. still haven't weighed myself LOL. too scared.

Ok before i go...
a few funny moments..
1.) my roommate and her boyfriend are both snoring the noses away :) they sound like a symphony. AHAHAHa. Thank goodness i'm awake.. i probably would've been really really frustrated otherwise..

2.) Allen had to make an emergency run for me to the store... to by some... pads for me. LOLLLLLLLLLLLl dun dun dun... next phase of our relationship right!??!
And of course.. he buys the wrong ones.. go figure LOL.. GG though.. he tried.. he bought extra fatty overnight ones. LOL!! gosh dengit. i only usually use the ultra thin regulars with wings...

3.) -_- he calls me.. pork bun in cantonese..
cha tsu bao? i don't know how to spell it.
AI YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i guess..... it's better than krusty pants right!? LOL.
which by the way.. he went through my laundry the other day... to see if i had krusty. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talk about humiliation.. i passed. LOL!

k byeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3

Reality Check

2009-07-23T14:39:00.000-07:00

Hey loves,
So my vacations coming to an end.. "vacation".
Sadly to say, I didn't do much. LOL. I've been working day in and day out helping my parents out at their cafe.. Oh the joys of working with your entire family. LOL I missed them sooooooooooo much in New York.. and lol it's just funny.. how you miss someone so much yet even though you've missed them that much.. enough time spent can make your head spin. AHHHAHAHAHa..
But anyway.. yeah.. i'm ready to go back. Working at a slowwwwwww paced cafe... where all i do is.. cook and be bored.. well.. that hasn't done me any good. I can feeeeeel the blubber coming back. LOL!

My pants are getting tight again... my new pants that is.. DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!11 Truthfully it's disappointing.. and the worst thing.. I CRAVE MORE JUNK FOOD. MAn, I'm telling you... junk food is the DEVIL! It's frigging addicting... I mean seriously.. i CAN EAT SO MUCH! It's scary.. Here at home.. I can eat and eat and eat and eat..

LOL.. I told Allen (the bf).. well no.. I've been TELLING the bf for the past week that he'd better be ready to welcome home an OOMPA LOOMPA for a gf. LOL.
Just to make it sound worst.. i told him i gained 25 pounds. AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHa. that makes me feel somewhat better.
In reality i think i gained back 5 pounds. DUN DUN DUN. sad sad sad.. all that hard work.
But i guess i expected it you know? All my family does is ask me what i want to eat..
and really i've been eating EVERYTHING
I get what i ask for right?!

On another note.. I hope you ladies aren't going downhill like me. lol give me some inspiration!!
I'm starting to worry that when i get back to NY i won't have the self discipline to start eating healthy again. It's really scary how eating a lil bit of junk food can become into an addiction.
IT IS AN ADDICTION!!

realize it.
gotta change it.

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
I've been going to MEXICO for the past 3 days... because i have no insurance.. so i've been getting my teeth done.

Ready to hear the damage?!?!
Oh how embarassing AHAHAHA.
I had 4 cavities.. and i got 2 root canals!! RIGht?! I deserve it. I knew it was coming..
The dentist= my ultimate fear since i was 5.
Shots= my death.
I cried.
and
cried.
LOL.
to compensate for my pain.. my daddy and i had tacos.. and more tacos..
LOL!

AHAHAHAHHAHAH.
Love how everything I've done has to do with food.
oh boy..

besides my teeth let's get on to some real talk...
San Diego is now officially just.. my family's home.
I've been kinda down... cause none of the friends that i thought were my friends... even called me?
It's sad cause i hate burning bridges..
it's just... yeah.
There's one person in particular i'm pretty bummed about.
I called and called and called..
no answer.. no call back.
so much for girlfriends LOL!
It's all good right!?

I mean..
I really do want to maintain my girlfriends.. cause.. i feel like it's so important.
I don't necessarily have many.. because i find it rare for someone to be real with me.. but the few that i have... i cherish..
But why should i value them so much if they don't value me equally?
The good thing... i really have alot of good guyfriends? LOL.
I mean love them dearly!!
They're such goof balls.. and so down.. and so real.
I love it.
No bullshit.
If you call them and ask them let's do something.
They're down.
No excuses.. no erss.... no akwardness..
We'll do jack crap.. and it'll still be chill =]
One of my besties Fredddy and I went to guitar center the other day so he can buy a ukalale? is that how you spell it?
Then we went to Yogurt world and jammed outside the rest of the night
chill right?!
Or my friend Hai and I just talked and caught up outside of Starbucks... and it's always nice drinking coffee on a good summer night!

On to randomness.
I'm scared to get on camera LOL
I'm afraid to see my weight gain.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
but i am ecstatic to see Allen.
Beyond ecstatic.
He... is still and will continue to be amazing.
One in a million i tell you :)

Anyway..
I guess i'll talk to you ladies later?! I'm gonna look for my camera battery cause maybe.. just maybe... i'll make video tonight.
On what?! I have no idea!

<3

RE: EMAIL RESPONSES

2009-07-17T02:13:00.001-07:00

Hey loves!
So here is the first series of email responses in regards to MANY MANY topics.
I'll be leaving names anonymous so that nobody feels put on the spot. But I really do feel as if all of these topics can benefit us. Many of us have felt or feel the same way! I don't know if i'll be of any help to you guys.. cause you know I'm still on the same boat. I'm still working on my self esteem and my confidence. There are days where I still feel like I'm 200lbs.. and there are days where I don't believe that my own videos are me even though they are. But if there's anyway I can help a sister out even by humiliating myself, I sure will! Let me know what you guys think or put some input to help each other out too! We're not alone you know =) We gotta stick up for each other!

Email #1:

I for the past month, I've been doing really good with losing weight but this month I have fallen down the hill. I lose my momentum and I dunno.

I just cry evrynight because I always think I will always be fat and no one will like me. Im only 15 years old. For my age I am over-weight and I hate it!

Could you please help me??

What do you do to distract yourself from eating?

Dear _____,
Ahh... =( This pains me to know that you're hurting so much. You're so young and still have so much to experience.

I'm going to be very down to the point and I hope I'm not being too blunt.
1.) You need to love yourself.
Understand that you will NOT always be fat and that people not only like you but love you, like your family. Let me tell you a secret, it's the people that love you for who you are that count so don't look elsewhere. If you're thinking about the boys at school or the pretty girls that get all the attention that "don't like you" forget it. They're not the ones that will break their backs to love you for who you are. They're in their own little world, don't waste your time trying to have them like you. Trust me, after highschool they won't even exist. It's taken me a long time to realize that it's the small people, the people that I never expected to become my best friends. If you're thinking about relationships, that no guy will like you... I have one thing to say..

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. How can a guy love you when you don't even love yourself. WHen you can't respect yourself, your body, it shows. The brutal truth is, low self esteem is a turn off. People are unattracted to it. As harsh as that sounds it's the truth in every aspect in life. We're naturally attracted to people with positive attitudes and confidence. I promise you, once you start to love yourself and accept who you are as a person, others will follow. The beautiful thing about this, once you begin to love yourself.. not only will people follow you but you'll respect yourself so much that you won't want to disappoint yourself.. and that is when you start to build self discipline. Once you start learning self discipline you'll start to lose weight. Losing weight is honestly one of the hardest tasks you can ever do. It takes alot of persistance, determination and hard work. It doesn't happen over night and it definitely doesn't happen over a month.

::sigh::

I really feel as though I shouldn't be encouraging weight loss to many of you younger girls.. but then again I remember how that felt.. so I hope you guys are doing it the right way. Understand that you're still young... you have ALOT of time to work on your weight.. take it nice and slow! Don't rush because i guarantee you'll gain it back. Eat properly, don't starve!!!!! Exercise in MODERATION don't exhaust yourself.

With all that said.. as far as what I do to distract myself from eating.. I really honestly don't stop myself from eating. I just eat properly rather than restricting myself when i'm hungry. When you're dieting you need to be on a healthy diet. You can't just count calories and say, oh hey i'll have a burger and that's it for the rest of the day. It's much healthier and better for you to eat in moderation a healthy balanced diet that's low in calories throughout the day.

For example..
I'll eat a 300 cal. breakfast (cereal, milk & apple)
a 300-400 cal. lunch (salad with every type of vegggie you can think of piled HIGH with just balsamic vinegar.. with some sort of protein.. like.. a 3-4 oz. piece of chicken breast)
then for dinner i'll have a 300-500 cal dinner.. maybe a turkey sandwich again with TONS of veggies on it with nonfat mayo, dijon mustard.. and a string cheese

in between or after.. if i get hungry.. I'll eat another apple.
With all that in mind.. drink TONS of water.. Water helps you digest.. helps you get all that crap out of your system and curves your hunger!

If you're eating healthy you really don't have to worry about.. trying to stop yourself from eating..
and I'll tell you... once you start dieting.. by eating healthy.. give it like a week.. your junk food cravings will stop.

JUNK FOOD IS THE DEVIL! lOL!!
Really.. it's addictive... It makes you lazy.. it's fatty.. because of all the crap thats in the food it makes you want more.. and more.. and more..

If you eat healthy, you won't crave the junk food.. you won't mind eating lots of veggies... food will taste ALOT more amazing! Your taste buds become ALOT more sensitive.. I mean jeez luiz! After i started dieting.. and it was routine.. i could eat a whole plate of veggies without dressing and it still tasted good!

If worst comes to worst.. and you really want to distract yourself from eating (which i don't really recommend).. try keeping yourself busy. I tend to forget that I'm hungry when I'm keeping my mind distracted.. Like.. when i make videos for example.. I'll work on a project for 4-5 hours and I completely forget to eat.. cause i'm so distracted... or.. I'll read a book or.. go out something.. of that sort and it'll keep my mind off of food.

Keep moving.. MOVING IS KEY. When you have free time... it becomes lazy time! LOl and it's the truth.... lazy time brings out hunger... HUNGER that's UNNECESSARy. (this is exactly what's happening to me here on my vacation by the way)

I hope you find this helpful..
I really want you to know though.. that as you get older.. and accept yourself.. things will change for you too.. There are amazing people out there waiting to get to know you.. and become apart of your life.. It's just the first step.. all it takes is for you to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are.. as a person.. take things slow..

Okey dokes. Holy crap. It's taken me 2 hours to write this. LOL.
I hope this helps girls..
I really do..
It really pulls a string in my gut knowing that many of you are experiencing these feelings that i too once experienced. But i want you to know things will get better..

With that said.. I'll talk to you all very soon!!

With Love,
Jinah

they call it love

2009-07-14T19:24:00.001-07:00

HIIIIIIIIII loveeees!!!
How're you all?!!? Ohhhhhhh boy oh boy.. where to start.

Is this.. I have the most amazing boyfriend thing getting old yet?! Let me know if it is.. because once again.. I must say it.

I have the bestestestestestest most amazing boyfriend in the world.

For me to be able to say something like that.. wow. Honestly.

::Sigh:: Sooo unreal. even now. He sent flowers to my house today... just to let me know that he misses me.. and "L"'s me. LOL. melting me away i tell you!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhh Oh OHHHHHHHH. How happy he makes me!

I think about him throughout the day... Does that sound CHEESY or what?! IT even sounds stalkerish. LOL. I should stop. Ok maybe not. LOL
but i mean... while i'm working at my parents cafe.. and i'm sippin on some coffee during break.. i'll sit down.. and just.. start letting my mind ponder about what he's doing.. orrrrr what kind of trouble he's causing *wink :).
Oh how i can't wait to be back home in NY to see him. I'm starting to think of NY as a new home.. i actually really do miss it alot. I miss the fast paced life.. Cali is starting to get a tad bit too chill for me. I mean it's great seeing my family and all.. but I feel like time passes by sooooooooooo slow here.. and the days never end. NOWWWWWWWW if Allen was here that'd be a diff story. LOL i'd probably never want my days to end.. but jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.. one day feels like one week. In NY it feels like there's just not enough time in a day to do ANYTHING?! Do i make sense? =T

Thinking over the last few months.. I really have come to appreciate my NY life. I absolutely love the east coast.. and i feel like my heart is definitely there. Before i left San Diego i felt so...... down... and lazy... unproductive.. and just... blah. Literally.. i use to sit on my ass... and just eat eat eat and watch grey's anatomy.. and eat... and do... absolutely nothing.

sad thought.

complete waste of time.

I'm so glad that part of my life is over.. cause things are just getting better with hard work and persistence. I'm telling you... DOOOOOOO THE WALK girls.

Don't think... I wish i wish i wish.. don't give yourself the chance to think that way.
Just walk it out! and as my guyfriend Jerry says.. don't say i hope... say I will. Be confident.. Love yourself.. force yourself.. MOVE! =] *in a positive way. :D

Oh man i'm going off in so many tangents. I keep wanting to stay on topic but i keep bouncing around.
ANYWAY. So back to the boyfriend...

You guys are going to DIE laughing.
get ready for this.
He's probably gonna kill me.
Or better yet.. I should just start hiding cause here comes the most embarassing thing ever.
But i'm telling you guys just so that you guys can see what an amazing guy Allen is and so you can all have a good laugh. I love you guys this much! LOL

STORY: THIS IS LOVE
(let's back track)
So... LOL. The night before i left for Cali.. I had some laundry to do..well.. I couldn't do it at school cause allllll the washing machines and dryers were full.. so then I started complaining to Allen about it..and he goes... "Babe why don't I just do it for you"... so I look at him, and i'm like, "uh.. NO!!" with a cock eye o_O. So then he's like.. "I'll do it for you, it's nothing"... -________________-.. Ok so i'm thinking... yeah okay.. i'll let him do it for me i guess... but before I let him take the laundry with him... I took out all my undergarments.. (or so i thought LOL).

*AHEM.
LOLLLLLL!!

Anyway..
I get a call from him a few days after coming here to SD.. and he goes.. "so uh... what is up with your socks!!" LOL. and i say... "why what's wrong with them?!" and he goes.. "WHAT's wrong with them!? They're like a 100,000 miles overdo!" LOL.

So while he's saying this.. i'm thinkin.. ohh.. whewwwwww not that bad..
but thennnn he goes..
"and what is up with your underwear!" LOL!
doomsday.
So before you ladies think up what he's thinkin.
Let me explain.
AhEM! LOL.
STOP THINKING FOR A SEC!!!!
:D
Ever since my diet & exercise.. and all that mumbo jumbo.. i've been having irregular cycles.. right.. like i missed my period by 3 weeks.. then i started spotting like every other week..

so.. yeah..
the one underwear... that i ended up spotting on... ends up landing in the one load that Allen washes.
And you guys know what happens when blood dries up1?!?
LOL.
-_-...
so you can imagine what Allen thought..
*crap*.
LIKE WTF! LOL. really?!!? WOw.
SO then he starts making fun of me..
and right.. he thinks it's crap..
and all in the meanwhile.. i'm dying on the phone laughing and crying and embarassed and i'm trying to explain but he just keeps calling me KRUSTY PANTS!
-__-;
LOL so then i'm dying on the phone and laughing and dying and laughing..
and he just keeps making fun of me.

Back to the point of the story.
He still loves me.
whether he believes it's blood or krusty.
LOL.
and that my ladies is what you call an amazing boyfriend.

AHAHAHAHa.
minus the whole.. he's really not letting it go for a while.

LOL!!!!!
end story.

So yeah... he loves me that much.. and that's only the beginning of it.
Everyday that i get to talk to him... i feel is so unreal. I mean, how much more can a girl ask for?

He said he loves my body.

Do you guys know how much that means to me? I mean.. not in a sexual way.. but he loves my body.
My body... that has all the blubber.. and pimples (i've been breaking out like mad donkey)... my messed up arms with all the nasty bumps.. my dark skin that isn't even .. even toned... my scar'd stomach.. my scar'd legs.. my cutt up fingers... and scar'd hands..

he loves it all.

How much more can i ask for in a guy.. when he can look me straight in the eyes.. and tell me that i'm that much more beautiful. that he loves me that much... that he's the luckiest guy on earth to have me.

unreal.

alrighty.. but enough with that :]

::Sigh::
so.. as far as weight..
DUN DUN DUN DUN!! I gained 4 pounds.
LOL. I'm at 152. YEs yes. yes. yes. But even at my 4 pound+ I'm content.. I'm enjoying my vaca.. and honestly it's a mood burn when you go out with your friends.. and you say.. ohh sorry i can't eat that... HELLOOOOOOO i'm on vacation!! I will def. work it out as soon as i get back to NY.
NO doubt :)

AnywhOOOOOOOOOOOOo here are a few pictures over the week!!

CSGGGGGGGGGGG BABY!!!!!!! WOOo.. doesn't get better than all you can eat korean BBQ in Orange Country + all you can eat thrifty ice cream.
My cutie nephew.. i love him!!
POOOOOOONJABI TANDOOR in San diego!! BESTTTTTTTT indian food EVER!
Bombbbbbbb garlic naannn!
oKey dokes..
I love you all..
i cannot stress that enough.
The emails i've been getting lately are mind boggling.
Starting next blog post I'm going to start replying to some of your emails on my blog... not to embarass you.. cause i won't put up your names.. it'll be anonymous.... but because ALOT of the emails i've been getting are in regards to the same thing.. so i'm hoping that maybe there are more of you that can benefit to me posting it up publicly one at a time :)

keep your chins up ladies!
Look beautiful... feel amazing.. be PHENOMENAL!
don't settle for anyless.
<3

live with no regrets

2009-07-04T02:31:00.001-07:00

HAPPY 4th of JULY loves!!

Sooooooo I'm here in SAN DIEGO!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEe :) Finally.. hOMEEEEEEEE sweet home. I absolutely love it!!!!!!The weather is phenomenal.. it's nice and warm. and not HUMID.. no rain!! ehehe.. Yall should of seeeeen how happy i was to see my family... Oh how i've missed them sooooooooooo much! We'll get to that later..

Anywho let's see.. where to start..
WEIGHt LOSS!!
Ahahahah.. so I gained 2 pounds over the last 2 weeks. I haven't worked out because my schedules been kinda hectic.. finals + new boyfriend +coming home to cali.. and honestly.. i've just been dreading it to the point of no return. but I promise i'm not giving up. I'm just.. on a "vaca". So what am i at?
today's weigh in= 150 lbs.
2 weeks ago i reached 148. Not bad. On a good note.. I can feel my metabolism kicking in. That's the benefit of being consistent when working out right? :P.. If you keep working hard.. for a period of time.. and just stop.. Your body will continue to work for a while and your metabolism kind of takes over and gives you a little leway when you're on your vaca. hahaha :]

Ok so lets get on with all else..
So the new boyfriend is.. A-MA-Zing. :] yes indeed. It's still unreal.. our relationship is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO different from any of my past relationships. If only you guys can peek into my head. LOL.
He just.. blows my breath away.
I mean.. we're moving at such a fast pace right now.. and i know i know.. everyone keeps telling me to slow down.. but we can't help it..

STOP.
TIme out.
But i want you guys to know.. that it's not absolutely perfect. I know the last few posts I've made him sound sooooo... movie like right. Which is genuinely how amazing it's felt to me.. BUTTTTTTTT at the same time... those are just a few of our happy times :]

Allen and I are still getting to know each other.. and the reality is.. we're both starting to see our... not so amazing sides.. He's already seen me get pissed.. and likewise. There's nicks and picks of things that get me mad when he does certain things.. and same for him.. but you know.. what ISSS amazing.. how willing he is.. to actually try to work on these things.. like we don't just talk and say "i don't like how you do this" .. and just say we'll change.. we're already.. doing it.. we actuallyyyyy work on it and remind each other...
like he said..
"communication is key"
and it's true.. if you want a beautiful healthy relationship.. communication is key. I love how he sits me right in front of him.. makes me look directly at him with his hand.. and of course my initial response.. look down.. look away... close my eyes :P.. ( he doesn't let me)...
he looks at me.. and with his full attention.. he says.. let's talk about this.

i love it.

I can honestly say.. that I know he genuinely adores me. His eyes don't lie.. he's so gentle with me. He remembers every little thing I say.. I'm so forgetful.. I feel like an idiot sometimes LOL.. cause he remembers absolutely everything!

You know what reallllllllllllllllllllllly makes my jaw drop lately. LOL.
He's opinionated right? and he's confident and very.. dominant..
Well i'm not use to that in a relationship you know? I'm so use to being.. the mom.. and dominating.. wearing the pants in the relationship.. that when we start to butt heads..
allen and I..
I'm a bit baffled. LOL. I can't help but.. just.. be mad.. but at the same time be amused.. ahhhhhhhhhhhahahahahhahaha.. I mean.. I've never had a guy.. be mad at me really.. it's kind of.. crazy! I mean... I'm so use to... guys not having any expectations of me.. which is good.. but at the same time.. i'm intrigued by this... like ALOT..

He gets mad at me.. and gets disappointed with what i do sometimes.. it's funny.. i'm so not use to it.. that i don't know how to react to his reaction... i literally just.. sit there confuzed. LOL!!!

BUTTTTTTTT anyway..

Allen came and spent the whole night with me Thursday night.. he got to my place around 9-10pmish.. we went to Barnes & Nobles to return almost all the makeup books that I bought because I bought them cheaper online.. then we rushed back to my dorm so i could finish packing and cleaning. He took a nap while i got ready.. and at around 3am.. we hopped in the car.. towards the airport =(

when i opened the door to the car.. there was this panda sitting in my seat :) so sweet... Allen bought it for me.. saying that he wanted to give me a temporary something to hold on to... until i got back. then he gave me a card.. that he said is a must not open...until on the plane :P

so we're on our way.. and i'm tired...

we get there........ I loveeeeeeee it when he wears.. casual clothes.. love love love!
falling asleep.. he's so tired... we didn't get to the airport until 5am

last kiss before i left :(. miss him already.

so i got on the plane...

and read his card.

again. speechless. I mean who does that?! What kind of guy... takes the time... to write something so sentimental. Guys hate doing things like that.. i mean.. i could tell by what he wrote.. he was nervous.. and lol i could totally picture him getting frustrated.. trying to write the right things.

unreal what he wrote.

i'd write it out.. but it's a bit personal.. I think me writing about him on the web is and has been crossing the line.. ... LOL.. but ohhhhhhh how i wish you guys could read it.. made my heart skip a beat. literally.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAhahahaha..

look what i came home to!!!!!!

LOL!! One of my best guyfriends ever!! So.. he thought that maybe because I'd lost weight he wouldn't recognize me at the airport.. He ended up going to the wrong terminal and holding up this sign!! AHHHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH. So sad i missed it!!!!! He said he'd waited walking around with the sign.. wrong terminal though.. but so sweet! I LOVEEEEEEEE freddy! He's so frigging hilarious..
Ok run down.. i'm taking to long.
I went shopping with my mamma.. OOOOOOOOOOOO how i love my mamma.. She's so excited for me... my weightloss... my boyfriend.. my school.. it's like she's living it with me.. so she took me shopping.. a first time in such a long time ..I bought my 2nd & 3rd pair of heels/stilettos.. I've got to tell you.. they're AMAZING!

I've never had the confidence to wear them.. EVER... but i'm finally... getting some... guts.. to possibly strut them. LOL. I tried wearing the brown ones yesterday.. OH MY GOLLY!! you guys woulda probably started laughing like no other.. i looked like.. a total NOOB.. LIMPING EVERYWHERE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAhahahahahhahahah ..but they're beautiful aren't they?!

My mom really is so sweet..
she bought it for me.. saying how she hopes that i gain more confidence.. she kept rooting for me while i was walking in them. AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!! so cute.. i LOVE HER!!!!!!!!1 I went to CCO and bought these two too!! Mineralized skin finish & lipstick in freckletone.. OMGGGGGGGGGGG in love with freckletone.. i might have to get another one.
Anywho!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gotta run... grrrrrrrr i totally didn't blog what i wanted to talk about.. this is what happens when you're rushed.. but i hope you ladies have a WONDERFUL 4th of july!!!!!

I love you guys!!!!!!!!!!
I'll update you asap...
i really want to touch up on some issues later..

<3